Here it is the second day of the new year and all I can say is I'm glad 2013 is over!! I just hope this year will be better.
I never make New Year's Resolutions. I don't feel like they are very good. Every year, people make New Year's Resolutions and what do they say, 95-98% of them are broke within the first week of the new year.
Well, I guess that this year I am going to just make little goals. I'm not going to
call them resolutions because really, that doesn't work.
So, these are my goals:
1-Get out of my house at least 1 hour a day.
Taking kids back & forth to school or work or counseling does not count.
2-I WILL shower every day.
There are days when I am so depressed that I won't shower. Sometimes it
is 2, maybe 3 days that I won't get off the couch long enough to shower.
3-I will spend time working on my photography.
Before my car accident (3 1/2 years ago) I was going to school to get my
Bachelor's Degree in Photography. Since the accident I have really slacked
off on doing hardly any photography and it really sucks, because that has
always been my out.
4-I will not let myself be manipulated by Princess Shaney any more.
I know that I say that all the time, but I just can't do it anymore. I
want my life back.
5-I will try to clean one area in the house a day.
My house is a pig sty. I have 4 kids that I have babied all of their lives and
have made them into lazy little brats that just want, want, want and never
want to give back. And because of my depression, everything is left on
Mr. Hubs.
6-I am going to work on my blog daily.
I know that I say that a lot, also. But I am going to start so that I can keep
record of everything that is going on. What I accomplish or what I don't
get accomplished.
That way I will be able to hold myself accountable.
So, there it is, my goals for the next 29 days. I will keep you updated with progress and after the next 29 days, depending on how I do, I will add more
to my list. I've heard that when you do something for 21 days, it becomes
a habit and easier to continue doing.
Happy New Year to all of you!
Til We Meet Again! Pam
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Thursday, November 7, 2013
This Time Will Be Different!
I know I have said this many times. But this time is different. I am afraid if I don't make changes
now, Princess Shaney (or I) will be dead before she is 16.
Last week at counseling, the counselor more or less told me I needed to grow a pair and take
back control of my life instead of Princess Shaney having control. I told him that I would love
to have control back, but it scares me because I am so afraid that if I tell her no and hold to it,
she will cut or try killing herself again. And she knows that.
I told him how I was so mad at her for ruining our plans for that upcoming weekend. How I was
hoping to spend time just me & her. How she doesn't care how much all of this is hurting me. And
destroying the rest of our family. She told him how I favor everyone else in the family and just
treat her like a baby. Which that made me more livid. Which my reply was; My whole life has revolved around you since you tried killing yourself the first time, in June. Everyone in the
family has been neglected because I focus every minute on you and if you don't want to be
treated like a baby, then grow up and start working on being happy and part of this family.
And if you want me to treat you like I do the other kids, hop on board cause things are going
to be big time different.
Starting with that weekend. We did not go to the band competition. The night we were
supposed to go, was Halloween night. She asked me, Since we're not going, can I go hang
out with my friends & go trick-or-treating with them? I couldn't believe she had the nuggets
to ask me that! Are YOU kidding me? YOU ruined my plans and now you want to go hang
with Your friends! Not even going to happen. You're going with the REST of the family
to the Halloween party. She fought a lot over that, but I stuck to it and she went to the party at
my niece's house with the rest of us.
The next thing she wanted was to go see Mayday Parade this past Tuesday night, which was a
school night. I told her the only way she could go was she had to promise she would get up the
next morning and go to school and she had to go to school everyday until Thanksgiving break.
Again, she promised. Wednesday morning came and it turned into fight on her end. I stuck to my
guns didn't fight with her, just said you promised. I'm not playing your games anymore. And she
went. This morning was another fight. But I still stuck to my guns and she ended up going.
It sure does make my days go much better when I refuse to argue with her and let her walk all over me. I really enjoy things much more. I think she is starting to figure out that I'm not playing anymore and
things are really going to change around.
I am so glad that I finally decided to grow a pair and take back control of my life!
Til We Meet Again! Pam
P.S.
Haven't done this for a few months, but I'm linking up with Shell over at
now, Princess Shaney (or I) will be dead before she is 16.
Last week at counseling, the counselor more or less told me I needed to grow a pair and take
back control of my life instead of Princess Shaney having control. I told him that I would love
to have control back, but it scares me because I am so afraid that if I tell her no and hold to it,
she will cut or try killing herself again. And she knows that.
I told him how I was so mad at her for ruining our plans for that upcoming weekend. How I was
hoping to spend time just me & her. How she doesn't care how much all of this is hurting me. And
destroying the rest of our family. She told him how I favor everyone else in the family and just
treat her like a baby. Which that made me more livid. Which my reply was; My whole life has revolved around you since you tried killing yourself the first time, in June. Everyone in the
family has been neglected because I focus every minute on you and if you don't want to be
treated like a baby, then grow up and start working on being happy and part of this family.
And if you want me to treat you like I do the other kids, hop on board cause things are going
to be big time different.
Starting with that weekend. We did not go to the band competition. The night we were
supposed to go, was Halloween night. She asked me, Since we're not going, can I go hang
out with my friends & go trick-or-treating with them? I couldn't believe she had the nuggets
to ask me that! Are YOU kidding me? YOU ruined my plans and now you want to go hang
with Your friends! Not even going to happen. You're going with the REST of the family
to the Halloween party. She fought a lot over that, but I stuck to it and she went to the party at
my niece's house with the rest of us.
The next thing she wanted was to go see Mayday Parade this past Tuesday night, which was a
school night. I told her the only way she could go was she had to promise she would get up the
next morning and go to school and she had to go to school everyday until Thanksgiving break.
Again, she promised. Wednesday morning came and it turned into fight on her end. I stuck to my
guns didn't fight with her, just said you promised. I'm not playing your games anymore. And she
went. This morning was another fight. But I still stuck to my guns and she ended up going.
It sure does make my days go much better when I refuse to argue with her and let her walk all over me. I really enjoy things much more. I think she is starting to figure out that I'm not playing anymore and
things are really going to change around.
I am so glad that I finally decided to grow a pair and take back control of my life!
Til We Meet Again! Pam
P.S.
Haven't done this for a few months, but I'm linking up with Shell over at
Saturday, November 2, 2013
She just drives me crazy!
Why does she do these things?
Prince Kanard is in his High School marching band. They were going to state
championship this weekend.
Since competition is 3 1/2 hours from our town, I told Princess Shaney that we
would go down. I got us a room for 2 nights, and it was just going to be a trip for
me and her to spend some time together and do some bonding.
On Tuesday, she was sick and didn't go to school. I told her that she needed to go
to school on Wednesday and Thursday or she wouldn't be able to go. Well, she didn't
go on Wednesday.
When we went to counseling that day, I was livid and just fuming about the whole thing.
I told the counselor how she doesn't care about anyone or anything, but herself. Princess
Shaney told me to go and take Mr. Hubs, I told her I couldn't do that because I can't trust
you to stay home! She's like Wow! really mom? I was shocked when the counselor asked
her if she had given me any reason to trust her. I told her that I can't trust her when I am
home, how am I supposed to trust her when I'm gone for 2 days.
Anyway, ended up staying home. Our school took state in 1A division! And I turned into
a done playing games mom! We'll just see how long I can stick to it.
Until We Meet Again, Pam
Prince Kanard is in his High School marching band. They were going to state
championship this weekend.
Since competition is 3 1/2 hours from our town, I told Princess Shaney that we
would go down. I got us a room for 2 nights, and it was just going to be a trip for
me and her to spend some time together and do some bonding.
On Tuesday, she was sick and didn't go to school. I told her that she needed to go
to school on Wednesday and Thursday or she wouldn't be able to go. Well, she didn't
go on Wednesday.
When we went to counseling that day, I was livid and just fuming about the whole thing.
I told the counselor how she doesn't care about anyone or anything, but herself. Princess
Shaney told me to go and take Mr. Hubs, I told her I couldn't do that because I can't trust
you to stay home! She's like Wow! really mom? I was shocked when the counselor asked
her if she had given me any reason to trust her. I told her that I can't trust her when I am
home, how am I supposed to trust her when I'm gone for 2 days.
Anyway, ended up staying home. Our school took state in 1A division! And I turned into
a done playing games mom! We'll just see how long I can stick to it.
Until We Meet Again, Pam
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