Saturday, January 4, 2014

First Pictures of the New Year!

This morning I had to take Prince Kenard to work. His truck is broke and he never works Saturdays and he had to be there at 8 a.m. So, I decided to take my camera with me.
We had got fresh snow during the night and it was very cloudy and still stormy
looking. The clouds were blocking the sun and it was looking very cool.
I love the way the clouds hang on our mountains here.

I love our mountains. I stood in the same exact spot to do all 4 of these
photos. Just had to turn slightly in different directions.

That is about all I did today. But I did get out and had some fun.
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Friday, January 3, 2014

Rough Day

Today was a pretty rough day. Counseling with Princess Shaney.
Last week I told Counselor that I just can not see any changes in her and
feel like she isn't getting any better. He told me, no, she has been making 
huge improvements. 
A lot of things have gone during the week from last session until today's
session. She spent New Year's Eve at her dad's with some of her friends.
She had sent a text to one of her other friends saying how they were all hanging
out and talking about depression with her dad. The next day I talked to her dad
and asked him what was going on. He told me that they just talked about
everything that is going on with her, how she was feeling, what her thoughts
are, and stuff like that. So, Thursday I tried to talk to her and she just shut me
out like she usually does. I proceeded to tell her how I feel. I told her that I feel
like she doesn't want anything to do with me; that she she hates me for some
reason I have no idea, why. And for someone who tells everyone how much
she hates her dad, why would he be the one she opens up to and tells everyone
So, at counseling today, Counselor asked how things were going and I told him
I still feel the same way as I did last week and still feeling like nothing has 
changed. So he had me come in with her and talk about some things. He got to
see how she really treats me when I try to talk to her. Her asked her why she is so
mad at me and she told him, she didn't know. She told him that she  just wants
her life back and to be able to have more privacy. He asked her if she has earned
that right, yet. She said she didn't know. He told her he didn't think that she had.
But I had told her on the drive to counseling that I was going to back off a little
bit with reading her texts and Facebook messages, because I am finding out
more than I want to know, with some things.
Now, I need to figure out what I am going to do. My choices are, letting her
move in with her dad and let her have her life back and let him deal with everything. Or finding some place else to move to where she is closer to her
friends. Because she doesn't like bringing them to our house and they all live up
by her dad, which is about 10-15 miles from our house.
Guess we'll just have to see what happens.
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Year, New Me!

Here it is the second day of the new year and all I can say is I'm glad 2013 is over!! I just hope this year will be better.

I never make New Year's Resolutions. I don't feel like they are very good. Every year, people make New Year's Resolutions and what do they say, 95-98% of them are broke within the first week of the new year.
Well, I guess that this year I am going to just make little goals. I'm not going to
call them resolutions because really, that doesn't work.

So, these are my goals:

1-Get out of my house at least 1 hour a day. 
    Taking kids back & forth to school or work or counseling does not count.

2-I WILL shower every day.
    There are days when I am so depressed that I won't shower. Sometimes it
     is 2, maybe 3 days that I won't get off the couch long enough to shower.

3-I will spend time working on my photography.
   Before my car accident (3 1/2 years ago) I was going to school to get my
   Bachelor's Degree in Photography. Since the accident I have really slacked
   off on doing hardly any photography and it really sucks, because that has
   always been my out.

4-I will not let myself be manipulated by Princess Shaney any more.
    I know that I say that all the time, but I just can't do it anymore. I
    want my life back.

5-I will try to clean one area in the house a day.
   My house is a pig sty. I have 4 kids that I have babied all of their lives and
   have made them into lazy little brats that just want, want, want and never
   want to give back. And because of my depression, everything is left on
   Mr. Hubs.

6-I am going to work on my blog daily.
   I know that I say that a lot, also. But I am going to start so that I can keep
   record of everything that is going on. What I accomplish or what I don't 
   get accomplished.
   That way I will be able to hold myself accountable.

So, there it is, my goals for the next 29 days. I will keep you updated with progress and after the next 29 days, depending on how I do, I will add more
to my list. I've heard that when you do something for 21 days, it becomes
a habit and easier to continue doing.

Happy New Year to all of you!
Til We Meet Again! Pam