Thursday, November 7, 2013

This Time Will Be Different!

 I know I have said this many times. But this time is different. I am afraid if I don't make changes
now, Princess Shaney (or I) will be dead before she is 16.
 Last week at counseling, the counselor more or less told me I needed to grow a pair and take
back control of my life instead of Princess Shaney having control. I told him that I would love
to have control back, but it scares me because I am so afraid that if I tell her no and hold to it,
she will cut or try killing herself again. And she knows that.
 I told him how I was so mad at her for ruining our plans for that upcoming weekend. How I was
hoping to spend time just me & her. How she doesn't care how much all of this is hurting me. And
destroying the rest of our family. She told him how I favor everyone else in the family and just
treat her like a baby. Which that made me more livid. Which my reply was; My whole life has revolved around you since you tried killing yourself the first time, in June. Everyone in the
family has been neglected because I focus every minute on you and if  you don't want to be 
treated like a baby, then grow up and start working on being happy and part of this family.
And if you want me to treat you like I do the other kids, hop on board cause things are going
to be big time different.
 Starting with that weekend. We did not go to the band competition. The night we were
supposed to go, was Halloween night. She asked me, Since we're not going, can I go hang
out with my friends & go trick-or-treating with them? I couldn't believe she had the nuggets
to ask me that! Are YOU kidding me? YOU ruined my plans and now you want to go hang
with Your friends! Not even going to happen. You're going with the REST of the family
to the Halloween party. She fought a lot over that, but I stuck to it and she went to the party at
my niece's house with the rest of us.
 The next thing she wanted was to go see Mayday Parade this past Tuesday night, which was a
school night. I told her the only way she could go was she had to promise she would get up the
next morning and go to school and she had to go to school everyday until Thanksgiving break.
Again, she promised. Wednesday morning came and it turned into fight on her end. I stuck to my
guns didn't fight with her, just said you promised. I'm not playing your games anymore. And she
went. This morning was another fight. But I still stuck to my guns and she ended up going.
 It sure does make my days go much better when I refuse to argue with her and let her walk all over me. I really enjoy things much more. I think she is starting to figure out that I'm not playing anymore and
things are really going to change around.
 I am so glad that I finally decided to grow a pair and take back control of my life!
Til We Meet Again! Pam
Haven't done this for a few months, but I'm linking up with Shell over at 

Saturday, November 2, 2013

She just drives me crazy!

Why does she do these things?
 Prince Kanard is in his High School marching band. They were going to state
championship this weekend.
Since competition is 3 1/2 hours from our town, I told Princess Shaney that we
would go down. I got us a room for 2 nights, and it was just going to be a trip for
me and her to spend some time together and do some bonding.
On Tuesday, she was sick and didn't go to school. I told her that she needed to go
to school on Wednesday and Thursday or she wouldn't be able to go. Well, she didn't
go on Wednesday.
When we went to counseling that day, I was livid and just fuming about the whole thing.
I told the counselor how she doesn't care about anyone or anything, but herself. Princess
Shaney told me to go and take Mr. Hubs, I told her I couldn't do that because I can't trust
you to stay home! She's like Wow! really mom? I was shocked when the counselor asked
her if she had given me any reason to trust her.  I told her that I can't trust her when I am
home, how am I supposed to trust her when I'm gone for 2 days.
Anyway, ended up staying home. Our school took state in 1A division! And I turned into
a done playing games mom!  We'll just see how long I can stick to it.
Until We Meet Again, Pam

Friday, August 9, 2013


Why does life with  Teenage Drama Queen have to be so difficult?
We have been trying for months to get Princess Shaney into a different
Jr. High. We found out yesterday that it was finally approved.
So this morning I called over to find out what we needed to do to get her
registered and get a class schedule. They said we would have to wait until
we got our letter from the district before we could get her enrolled and
registered. I knew it would be in the mail today, but we wouldn't be able to get there before they left for the day so I told them we would be in on Monday.
And then we have hair appointments Monday afternoon.
 Her friend (Princess T.) and her family were going to California today and Princess Shaney asked me Wednesday night if she could go with them. I told her
if they weren't  going to be back by Monday, then she couldn't go. Yesterday,
she told me Princess T's mom was going to call and talk to me about it. Nothing
more was said about until about 3:30 this afternoon. She asked again if she could go and told me they weren't coming home until Thursday. So, I told her no.
We have an appointment at the school & salon on Monday and she has her
counseling on Wednesday. OMG! You would have thought it was the end of the
She starts in on how I treat her like a baby all the time and I don't trust her anymore and I never let her do anything, and on. and on. and on....
I'm like, seriously, please tell me you are not going to do this again!
This went on about 1/2 an hour and then it was like done... Nothing more has
been said.
Usually, she is really quite good about things when I tell her "no", but when it is
something she wants super bad then it turns into major drama. Luckily, in the almost 2 months since she has come home from the treatment center, this is only
the second time she has done this, the first time was about 5 days after she came
home. So, I guess I shouldn't complain too much. Or maybe that is why I do complain, because it doesn't happen very much and when it does, it just hits
everyone wrong and then no-one is happy for a few hours after it ends.
But, can I just say how happy I am that I did not give in!!! Yippie for me! I am getting excited that I am not being her door mat anymore! And I am learning to
pick my battles and I think she is learning that and that is why the drama only lasts a 1/2 now and not hours like it did before.
Until We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Spoke Too Soon

Yesterday I talked about how I had been having a good week and how it made me feel when King Counselor told me I was doing a great job.
Well, 2 nights in a row Mr. Ex made me feel like I was the crappiest mother on
earth...or I should say he thinks I am the crappiest mother on earth.
Let me set things up for you a little...Prince Krusher is in Marching Band this
year. Well, this week has been band camp; They start at 8 a.m. and go until
8:30 p.m., we have to supply lunch and water for the day and they furnish dinner.
Well at 7:30, Wednesday morning, Prince Krush called and told me he had left his lunch at his dad's house and could I bring him lunch. I asked him what time and told him I would be there. About a 1/2 hour later he texted me and asked if I
could bring it sooner because he had no water and needed some. So, I hurried and fixed his lunch, grabbed about 4 bottles of water and ran it to him.
About 6 that night, Mr. Ex called just going right insane--Why didn't you come get his lunch and take it to him? I can't believe he has gone ALL day without food & water!!!  REALLY?!!! Do you really think I would do that to my child?
12 hours with no food or water?! Please give me a break! I took him lunch!
Well what did you take him, since his is still here on the table? Why would I drive 10 miles out of my way to go to your house and get his lunch when I have everything for his lunch here at my house. Oh, that makes sense. No shit
Then today, he was at my house when Prince Kenard, Princess Shaney & I came
home from doing some shopping. Well he came to the back of my car where there was a brand new 39" tv in the back of it. He just starts going off, Oh I hope you haven't spent all that money and I really hope you have some to buy Prince
Krusher new school clothes! Again, REALLY?!! I hold up the 2 bags of clothes that I had just bought and then proceeded to inform him, I did not buy the tv, 
Prince Kenard did with HIS money and it was his NOT mine!!!
I don't know why the hell he is so worried about whether or not the kids have new clothes for school or not, he doesn't pay for them.
I had gone to Nevada last weekend and had won just under $1000, I have not spent one dime on me, it has all gone on the kids to get them ready for school. That is exactly what I told Mr. Hubs when I won it, that now I knew how I was getting clothes for the kids for school.
I mean, there are a couple of things I wanted real bad and I looked and compared
prices and shopped around. Then, I decided if there was enough left over after school shopping was done, I would get 1 of the things I wanted. There was, but not enough to get the 1 thing I wanted the most. So I have stashed what was left and am going to start saving until I have enough to get the one thing I want the most...a new camera! The one I want is about $1,100. If I was the crappy mother he thinks I am, I could have take that money and got a new camera and made him buy school clothes, which never would have happened, they would have gone without before he bought them clothes. So, they have their clothes and I have to wait a little longer on my camera. But what is the big deal? I have been waiting for 2 years to get a new camera, another 2-3 months isn't going to kill me!
All that matters is they have new clothes and are ready to start school!
Until We Meet Again! Pam

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

My Daughter's Counselor Made Me Cry, Today!

So, today was our seventh appointment with Princess Shaney's counselor. A couple of weeks ago, I had a tough time while we were there. We were getting ready to leave and he & I were talking about Prince Krusher and I was telling him how P.K. had told me he had been feeling depressed but he hadn't been thinking about self harm or suicide. So, asked the counselor about it and asked him what I was doing wrong as a parent that 2 of my kids were struggling with depression. He told me that it wasn't me, that it is chemical. Which I know that, but as a parent you don't look at it that way. When your kids have problems, you feel guilty and try to figure out what you could have done different.
Anyway, today, while Princess Shaney was in working on some things King Counselor came to the waiting area to talk to me. He says; You have the most awesome beautiful girl I have met in a long time. I told him; I know that. Then he says; Then quit being so damn hard on yourself! You have done a great job with her, considering you've done most of it by yourself. She has some issues that we are working through and she is doing great!
You have no idea how good that validation felt. No-one has ever told me I was a good mom, let alone I was doing a great job. I felt so good to hear that.
He also told me that when we go get registered for school, we need to talk to the school counselor about Princess Shaney starting a peer group a couple of days a month. So the kids that are having problems with depression, cutting, etc. have some place they can go and just hang out with other kids that have the same issues. If they want to talk, they have someone to talk to and if they don't want to talk, they can just hang out.
The next thing he told me was, he wouldn't be surprised if she went to college and became a counselor. Because that is what she likes. So, I asked her about that when we got home and she told me; yah I really think that is what I want to do. or be a nurse. That is the first time she has ever said what she wants to do with her life.
It has been a great week! Hope all of you are enjoying your week as much as I am enjoying mine!
Until We Meet Again! Pam
Linking up today with Shell over at Things I can't Say

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Another Re-do

I got this bench about 3 years ago from my parents. They had had it for probably about 10 years. They were going to take it to the dump and I told them, no! I want it! So, I brought it home and it has been out in the weather for 3 years.
The boards were all breaking and my dad had bought some new ones to replace the old but never got around to putting them on. About a month ago, I decided it was time to get it cleaned up.
But, I decided I was going to put all new boards on it (does that still count as a re-do). I went to the Home Depot and bought the boards, brought them home had Mr. Hubs cut them down and then I sanded them. Princess Shaney and I went to Wal-mart to find some paint. I couldn't decide what color so she picked out a pink salmon. We came home, I painted the boards black and then the next day we painted them the pink. It was just the right shade for the black to show through without too much sanding.
And this is the finished project!

Isn't she pretty? I just love how she turned out and is the perfect color!
Hope you all have a great day!
Until We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Teenage Manipulation

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since Princess Shaney came home from the
treatment center and can I just say how hard it has been. She knows exactly how to work this to get the things she wants.
 The day she got out of the center, we went straight to an appointment with her new counselor. That was our very first meeting with him. We mainly talked about home and who lived with her and that her dad & I are divorced and I am remarried. We talked about the brothers & sister. We talked about school and the problems she has had there. Then she talked about her relationship with her dad and how much she hates him, how she wants nothing to do with him.
The day before she came home we had a family meeting and discussed the changes that would take place when she got home, i.e. not more fighting, no teasing, no calling names, etc, etc, etc. I told Mr. Hubs, the counselor at the center, and her new counselor that I was tired of being her doormat that there were going to be rules and I wasn't going to back down anymore.
This is where the manipulation comes in. She knows how scared I am that she will try again to kill herself, she also knows how to use that to get me to do what she wants. After she had been home about 5 days, my nieces were going boating with boys. She wanted to go with them and I told her no. She had a fit. She told me, you won't let me do anything since I came home! You have got to stop being so over-protective! I'm like, seriously?! This has nothing to do with that!
It had to do with my nieces and how irresponsible they are. It had to do with how much I hate the lake they were going boating on, because of how many people have died on that lake. It had to do with, 2 days later 16 people had to be rescued because a storm came in and they couldn't get their boat back to the docks.
 After pointing out that she had only spent 2 full days at home out of the 5 she had been home and trying to get through to her I wasn't backing down this time, she called her dad and told him to come and get her she needed to get out of this house, because I won't let her do anything. I then called him and explained to him what the fight was about and do not let her go with them. See,she likes her dad when she is mad at me because he has no rule, no supervision and just lets her do whatever she wants. She spent about a week there before she finally came home.  I don't know what scares me more, telling her no or her being at his house unsupervised for hours a day.
 But she is learning, I am not her doormat anymore and I am not going to back down anymore! Its hard and it scares me (and she knows that) but it will get easier as long as I stick to my guns and follow through. That's the big thing, the follow through. That has been the problem with all of my kids.
Until we meet again! Pam

I'm linking up over on Pour Your Heart Out

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Keeping Your Kids Close-Part 3


           You can read 
               Keeping Your Kids Close-Part 1 here
                and Part-2 here

This will be the last installment in this series for a while.

*On Friday, I was playing on the computer when Princess Shaney's friend called me. She told me that Princess Shaney had text her and told her to call me because she was scared. She was scared because she had taken 6 of her pain pills and she was starting to get tired and didn't feel good.
When we arrived at the hospital (I called on our way there to let them know we were coming) we were met right at the door and taken right in. They did labs right off the bat, hooked her up to monitors and started I.V. fluids.
She was very lucky that she didn't have to go through all the other stuff. The doctor told me that the amount of the certain meds she had taken wasn't enough to have any toxic effects on her and that all they would do is make her drowsy and sick to her stomach. So, she didn't have to get her stomach pumped or have charcoal. After being there about 5 hours, they transported her to a treatment center, where she continues to be now.

*With her being admitted on Friday night, I have seen her everyday. The normal visiting hours are Saturday, Monday and Wednesday. But, with Father's Day being this weekend, they added that as a visiting day. Then on Tuesday, I had a session with her and the counselor and then yesterday was normal visiting. But the hard part will be, not seeing each other again until Saturday, because that will be the next visiting day.

*Meeting with the counselor on Tuesday, I have learned a few things about the signs that were there, that I thought were just normal teenager girl things. The mood swings, the agitation, the loss of appetite. It all just fits in with the teenage girl hormone thing. So, you need to be able to have enough trust between both of you to talk and if you can't talk, make sure you get them into counseling.

*Yesterday after I came home from visiting Princess Shaney, her counselor called and they are sending her home tomorrow! Talk about anxiety! I think I might need to go to the doctor and get some anxiety meds. Just about every time I same something about her coming home tomorrow, I start having panic attics. I hope that once she gets home, they will stop...if not, I will call my doctor on Saturday.

*They don't tel the kids when they are coming home until it is time to go home. So she called me today and she told me she had a really good night and that she didn't have any of her anxiety meds at all yesterday, just her anti-depressants. Then she told me that she thinks it will be Saturday when she gets to come home. It was so hard for me not to tell her that it is tomorrow! I am so excited!

*So, we have done all the things that they wanted me to do before she comes home. Needed to get an appointment with her primary care physician, that is set for Monday. An appointment with a counselor, that is tomorrow after she is released. I had a family meeting with Mr. Hubs & the Princes and told them that their meds needed to be put in their rooms, also their razors needed to be there also. That they needed to quit teasing so much and more trying to get along. Hopefully things can get much better. And we can all get through this.

*I want you all to know, talk to your kids. Have relationships with them that they will always feel comfortable to be able to talk to you about anything and everything. And when you think it is just teenage things, talk to them and make sure that is all it really is and if they can't or won't talk to you, find someone they will talk to.
I am linking up today with Pour Your Heart Out!

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

16 Years

16 years ago today, you came into my life. I can't believe that it has been that long since the day you were born. It seems like just yesterday you were starting Kindergarten and now you will be a Junior in High School, this fall.

16 years ago today, you came into my life. It seems like only yesterday you were saying your first words and taking you first steps and now, you are ready to start driving and going on your first date.

Yes, 16 years ago today you came into my life. My beautiful baby boy, and now you are turning into a very handsome Young Man!

I love you Prince Krusher and so glad you came into my life..16 years ago today!

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Completing More Project

Can I just say how much fun I have been having! Some days have been crappy! But others have been totally great!

I have been working on some kind of project every single day! Whether it has been reclaiming projects, cleaning out crap to get rid of that belong to my princes and princesses, going to yard sales to get more things for projects or my recent totally super fun insane project. After this project was finished, the next day I didn't think I would ever be able to move again.

I had my dad bring me his small tiller. I dug up all of my flowers, had a bag of nutri-mulch, tilled it all into the ground and replanted all of my flowers. Let me explain this insanity reasoning to you.
Every year I have Mr. Hubs till up the whole flower bed and every year I plant flowers right along the edge and nothing ever goes in the rest of the bed. So the dirt where I plant every year, is good and my plants do great, but the rest of the bed is just like clay. I planted my plants just like the say to be planted and in the type of light area they say they need, and they just start drying up and dying.
After I got the stuff all tilled in, I started digging holes to start replanting the plants, going down the depth of the shovel, it was still just like I had never tilled anything into it. I mean, the first 3-4 inches of dirt was awesome! But anything deeper than that was crap! So each hole I dug with the shovel, I put about an inch of nutri-mulch in the hole and then "tilled" it in with the shovel. Because this flower bed was pretty much starting brand new, I ended up spending close to $1500 on just flowers! So I wanted them to survive. Finally, most of them are doing very good! I will try and post pictures as they bloom and fill in.
My only problem is keeping the cats out!!! The smaller flower bed I used chicken wire and that has worked really well at keeping them out. But where this one is so much bigger and has so many more plants, I decided chicken wire might be too hard to work with.

I have been to LOTS a few yard sales the past couple of months and I have been having so much fun!! This little guy I picked up for 5 bucks!!! Isn't he just darling?

 We have this junk pile out in the yard I am trying to get cleaned up. I found this little treasure in it a couple of weeks ago. I told Mr. Hubs, do not throw this away! He asked me what I was going to do with it and I told him it's going to be a planter to put somewhere. I didn't know what I was going to do with it for sure, until I found the bike!
I bought some yellow & green spray paint, cleaned up the step-stool and painted it.

The paint job wasn't very good, but that is what I was going for. I haven't put a clear coat on her yet because I want the weather to help with the rusting of the paint and adding character.
After she got her paint job, I planted her and put her in her new home!

There they are!!! I love it!

Hope you all have a great day!
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

First Summer Project

I have lived in this house for 12 years; which means there are 12 years of pictures on my computer. And guess what? I do not have 1 "before" picture of my yard!! Guess that tells you something about my yard. I was not very proud, excited, about my yard. But that is all changing! I am getting so excited about my yard!
Mr. Hubs was not very excited when I told him what I was going to start doing. He never is very excited when I start telling him about changes I am going to start making around the house, he's not real big on change, especially when it comes to the family home. But now that he has been seeing the changes and the things I have been doing, he is getting excited about it.

*These are my Iris. When the snow was finally all melted, I went to the ex-Mr. Hubs house and dug up a bunch of his mom's Iris, brought them home. They sat in the box that I brought them home in for 2-3 days and then Mr. Hubs and I planted them. Again, he was not very excited about the project. I was sooo shocked when he came in a couple of weeks ago and asked me if I had seen our Iris. I told him no, so he drug me right out there to look at them. I was shocked!

I have Iris that I transplanted from my mom's about 5 years ago and this is only the second year that they have bloomed. So, I was defiantly surprised that these were blooming when they had only been transplanted for a couple of months.

*This is a spot by my porch. One of the not so good things about our yard, well, it's good for the house, not so much for the flower gardens; Trees! We have tons & tons of trees, which means lots of shade! Which also means, so hard to find flowers locally that do well in full shade. But, I have slowly been finding them and getting them in.
 The old wagon wheel, has always been here. The washboard, rusty bucket, watering can and other bucket (on the right) I picked up at yard sales.

This is the other side of the porch. I put chicken wire down to keep the cats from turning it back into their litter box. And it has helped so much. I have tried all kinds of things to keep the cats out of my flower beds and nothing has worked, but the chicken wire has. Then I took a couple of wood stumps that I found out & about and put them in. The metal bucket, is an old ice cream freezer that I put some flowers in. The curvy tree stump, (actual tree, not stump) is our Trumpet Vine. It is the coolest thing. During the winter, it looks like just an old dead tree and in the spring, it starts coming back to life. Mr. Hubs said it is probably close to 60 years old!

The red planter, is a terracotta planter and I spray painted it with cherry bomb, glitter paint. I will have to do more pictures where you can see the glitter better.

So, there are some updates on my first projects. I will continue to post updates on the flower beds as they begin to bloom & grow more.

Hope you all have had a great day and come back soon!
Until we meet again! Pam

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Life Just Keeps Me Busy

Life has been very hectic, again. So much has been going on.

*On Monday, it seemed like anything that could go wrong did go wrong.
It started about 4:00 in the morning.
That is what time Princess Shaney woke me up complaining about right abdominal pain, again. I have no idea how many times I have had her into her doctor or ER in the last 8 months for lower abdominal pain. The first time, her doctor sent her for an ultra sound and labs checking for appendix. But everything was normal. About a month later, we went back and decided that it was female stuff and put her on the pill. She would never take them and I couldn't figure out why, but I decided it all went back to wanting to have the physical pain. A couple of weeks ago, we went to the ER and they did another ultrasound and found free flowing fluid around her right ovary and thought that it might have been a small cyst rupture. The ER doctor told her to start taking her birth control pills. So, on Monday, we went back to the ER, this time I thought it was her appendix. This time with the abdominal pain, she was throwing up. So they did labs again and did a cat scan this time. He labs showed a slightly elevated white count and she was running a slight fever. But the cat scan was normal. So they sent us home and told us to see an OB/GYN. So, the next day we went and seen one. She said let's give the pills a couple of months to start working; find a different counselor to get into (because neither one of us liked the one we had been seeing). She also said she was a candidate for these injections they have started and if she isn't feeling better in a couple of weeks, we could try those. But she doesn't think it is ovarian pain because the pain isn't in the right spot for that.
*Also on Monday, my nephew was in the ER, they thought that he had had another stroke. Luckily, it wasn't. They decided it was just vertigo. Because of all the problems he had last year, they kept him over night to make sure all was good with him.
*My sister & her husband go with bikers from all over the country every May, they ride back to Washington D.C. and they are back there in time for Memorial Day. They meet up with their group in Arizona and there are about 300 bikers in their group. They left Utah on the 14 of this month. They changed their route this year because of all the storms in Texas & Oklahoma. So they went north and then headed east. On Monday,(same one) they were in an accident in Kansas City, Kansas. Luckily, they weren't hurt very bad. My sister broke her left hand & her right ankle. Her husband only had scrapes and bruises. She flew home on Tuesday and he rode the bike home and got here on Thursday. She will see an Orthopedic here on Wednesday (the 29) to see if things have changed. If bones in foot are shifting, she will probably need surgery.
*The one good thing out of that terrible Monday. Prince Kenard graduated from high school!!!! When he started kindergarten, I wasn't thinking about future things. I didn't let him start school til he was 6-1/2 (he turned 7 the following February). Then when he was in the fourth grade, he had struggled so much that when we moved in with Mr. Hubs, I held him back and had him do the fourth grade over. Which made him 20 when he graduated! But he stuck it out and got done!

He wasn't very happy about walking with his class, I told him that he needed to do it. He had worked so hard to get this, that he shouldn't have any regrets.
But then, maybe that is just a girl thing. I didn't walk with my class and I have regretted it ever since.
I had all my excitement for the whole week in one day!
*Friday will be the last day of school for our district and we are done until the middle of August now.

Until we meet again! Pam

Monday, May 13, 2013

Crazy Couple of Weeks

It has been very crazy in our little world the past few weeks. And that is why I have been M.I.A.

*On April 27, some kids that go to school with Princess Shaney, were hit by a car
about a half mile from our house. They were playing chicken in the rural area we live in. The speed limit on the road they were on is 55 mph with no lighting at all and it was 9:30 at night. It was about a group of 10 kids (all 13 & 14) 4 were hit. 2 had minor leg injuries and were treated and released at the hospital. A 13 y/o boy was life-flighted to a children's hospital in Salt Lake City. The other was a 13 y/o girl who was also life-flighted to the children's hospital and was taken off life-support the next day. It was a very hard time for all the kids when they returned to school on Monday. And then that Thursday was the funeral for the girl that had passed away.

*On Saturday, May 4, my niece got married. It was very nice to have some happy around since the previous week had so sad.

*On Sunday, the 5th, we celebrated my nephew's first birthday. His b-day was the 4th, but with the wedding, we postponed a day. He DIDN'T like playing in the cake at all. He is one of those that cannot stand to get dirty.

 But, his niece loved it and got good practice for her first birthday at the end of the month.

*I have also been so sick for the past week. I was really afraid I was getting bronchitis, since Prince Kanard had it a couple of weeks ago. I went to the doctor on Monday but, it was just a bad cold and a sinus infection. So I am on antibiotics.

*I have also been trying to work in the garden and get some things done it the yard, I only wish I had done some before pictures of the yard before we started working on it, because it has changed big time! I might have to check the other computer to see if there is any on there and get them posted.
Hope everyone has had a better week than I have, but I plan on them getting better.
Until We Meet Again! Pam

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

My Projects for this Summer

If any of you are feeling like me, you are so t-i-r-e-d of this weather and so ready for Spring and Summer to get here!
11 years ago when the kids & I moved in with Mr. Hubbs, he was living in
the family home. All of his brothers & sisters have stuff here, inside and outside.
A lot of things that were inside the house, I did have them come and get. Some of the things that were outside the house, they have slowly hauled away. But there is still so much more. One good thing though, this junk is turning into my treasures!
And I CANNOT wait to get started! I am so excited!
We have almost 10 acres that we live on, most of it is pasture, but our
yard is HUGE  and we have so many old out buildings that are just filled to the brim with junk things.
 I have decided that even though there has been some problems on the home front,  I am still going to try and make this a home for the kids. No one likes being here, no one like bringing their friends here, because there is nothing to do here!
I think that because of all the things that are going on with  Princess Shaney, I want her friends here and get to know them better and be able to supervise more. So, there are going to be some big changes here in the upcoming weeks and
I am so excited about all of them and I cannot wait to share them with all of you.
Til we meet again! Pam

Monday, April 22, 2013

How Is Your Family?

What kind of family do you have? 
Is it fun and loving? 
Is it strong and supportive? 
Is everyone close?

My family used to be all of the above. Well, I guess they still are 
if I'm not around. 

I don't know why we don't get a long anymore. I mean it is nothing new, it has been this way for quite a few years. And for the life of me, I cannot figure out the reason. I have talked to my mom about it and she cannot figure out why they are so mean to me. You have never done anything to any of them.

Do you have any idea how fun it is to go to family gatherings when nobody likes you? It isn't very fun at all. You go, you sit, no one talks to you. You try to get in on conversations and everyone acts like you are not even there. They are good with my kids and Mr. Hubbs, but not with me.

I can talk to 1 one sister (sometimes) and 1 brother (once-in-a-while), but only when none of the other brothers or sister or nieces are around. I Have 2 nieces that live with my parents and they only are civil with me when they want something.

Do you know what it is like to go visit your parents and you can't even have a private conversation with them, because their tenants (your nieces) have to be in on every conversation and discussion that goes on. I have wanted to talk to my mom about the problems with Princess Shaney, but not wanting the entire family to know what was going on. Finally, I just sent her an email and told her what was going on and what she was doing and what her friend had told me in that email.
A couple of days later, I went to mom's house and my niece said something about it. I asked her about it and she told me, g-ma let me read the email.
SERIOUSLY?!! Can I not have a private conversation with my mother?!

I don't like going on "family outings" with my family, because I can only spend so much time with them when they are all together. Sometimes I am invited but most times not.

 I am getting pretty used to it. But it still hurts and it still makes me dislike them more. I think that the reason it hurts so much is, I have absolutely no idea what happened. When I ask what I have done to offend everyone, they just tell me, nothing. I am just getting to the point where I just want to stay away from all of them. I have even been thinking about even moving to a different state just to be away.

Maybe one day I'll figure things out.
Til we meet again! Pam

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Keep Your Kids Close-Part 2

For those just joining, you can read Part-1 here

On Monday (April 8) I took Princess Shaney to the doctor. He put her on
anti-anxiety meds. So she has only been on them just over a week. They seem to be helping.
The next day, we had counseling and then had to go to the Jr. High to meet with the principle. I was not excited about that meeting at all. I have always had bad feelings towards this principle and I just knew it was going to be the same old crap with her.
We went in, met with her for about 45 minutes. As we got in the hall to leave, I told Princess Shaney, I think that went rather well. Princess Shaney: me too.
Me: I think I might kind of like her. Princess Shaney: me too.
We had discussed all of Princess' things she is struggling with and all the anxiety issues. We talked about a few options we had for school and the one we decided on is that Princess S will go to school only 1/2 a day. She will do her core classes. So, she does 2 classes then, lunch then, 2 more classes, and then be done for the day.
*I didn't realize how bad her anxiety was until last Wednesday. She wanted me to go to school with her and be with her for the day. We got there before a class got out. We went to her locker to get her notebook. As we were standing there, the bell rang for class to be over; I thought she was going to cry. All the students wondering the hall, she grabs my arm and starts telling me she can't breath. I just told her relax, I'm right here and everything will be fine. Just take slow breaths and we will just walk to your class. After that she was a little better. Once we got in her class and there wasn't so many kids, she seemed to relax a lot more and did much better.Thursday, my niece went with her and she did very good. I think it wore her out, because she didn't go on Friday.
*She actually hasn't been to school at all this week. I think we are going to have to try and make some more changes with that. She refuses to go unless my niece or I can go with her and neither one have been able to this week.
*Last night a different friend emailed me and told me Princess Shaney was now cutting her hips & thighs so that I couldn't see it. She happened to be in the shower at that moment, so I went in and asked her to show me her legs and she told me no. So, I grabbed the shower curtain and pulled it open. Both legs had cuts all over them, above the knees. I couldn't believe it!
 I went outside and called my mom, and talked to her and cried, a lot.
We talked about how if I could get through what I gone through with Princess Daughter, (you can see that here). I told her that was easier, because I had support. Even though Princess Daughter's dad was an ass, he was there. I just don't like having to deal with this alone. She doesn't want her dad involved (and neither do I. And Mr. Hubs is no help what so ever. After I calmed down, I came in the house and told Princess Shaney that I would like to talk to her. She said she didn't want to talk and then proceeded to started texting people. I told her, if you can't talk to me, you can't talk to anyone. And I took her  phone from her and locked it in the gun cabinet.
*Later in the evening, I finally got her to talk to me. We talked, laughed and cried. We didn't get too far, but at least she talked to me and now, hopefully, it has opened up some lines of communication and the most important thing, has started to build some trust.

Until we meet again! Pam

p.s. I'm linking up today over at:

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Keep Your Kids Close-Part 1

I haven't checked in here for a while. I decided that it was time. I really needed to get some things out there and Pour Your Heart Out.
So, today that is what I am doing here.

From some of the blogs that I have read, I know quite a few of you have younger kids and that is one reason I am writing this. Hopefully it will help you as much as it (hopefully) helps me.

Princess ShaneyLou turned 14 last month.
For about the past year, Princess Shaney has just struggled with school, actually it has probably been 3-4 years. I never knew what was really going on. Then a couple of weeks ago, her friend sent me an email that Princess Shaney had sent to her:
"I want to die so bad because in the summer of 2008, I lost my first
best friend. My grandpa. He was the ONLY one in my family that ever
cared about me. He used to always sing to me when I was sad and he was
always there to cheer me up. Then in 5th grade I came home one day,
and I wondered where my dad was cause I had something important and
exciting to tell him! But my mom told me that he was in jail.. He
raped his now ex wife. I was terrified, angry, hurt, and confused. To
think, he could've raped me. I never forgave him. My grandma bailed
him out about a week later. Things went okay for awhile. I couldn't
trust him anymore tho. I never went to his house and I barely talked
to him. He always yelled at me for not talking to him or going to his
house. I was terrified of him. Finally I kinda got over the fear but I
would always lock my bed room door every night that I stayed there.
Then things were okay for awhile. But then in sixth grade I came home
one day and my mom told me my dad was back in jail. I was beyond
pissed. I told myself I wouldn't speak to him ever again. It hurt me
the most. Because I haven't had him in my life as much as my brothers
and sister have. And again. About a week later my grandma bailed him
out. I went like 3 weeks not speaking to him. But then I broke. I had
to talk to him. I still didn't trust him. I almost took my life. I almost took
my life again last June. And then again September. And in December.
I've wanted to die for so long. It's not a matter of how, it's a
matter of when. But I promised myself, I wouldn't take my life until I
thanked my favorite bands. Their music was there for me. When no one
else was. I've tried to get help, but no one will help me. They all
just say I'm an attention whore. And that I should go kill myself.
That no one would care. And honestly, I'm starting to believe them.
Cause honestly everyone always leaves. I just wanna be with my first
best friend again".

I had no clue any of this was going on. I had no clue she was scared of her dad. I had no clue she was having suicidal thoughts, until this email.
A couple of days after receiving the email, I noticed that she had marks on her arms, she had started cutting herself. I called that day and got her into counseling the next day.
We have been to 4 sessions; Sometimes I think it is helping and other times, I don't think it is. I do know that it is going to be a long hard road and it is going to take a long time to get through all of this.
That is all for now. I will try to keep updating weekly.
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Seriously?! Welcome to Utah!

So, yah, this is what we woke up to this morning!

                                           My poor flowers!

I just transplanted a bunch of Iris on Sunday!
It is no wonder all the kids are sick! One week we are in the 60's & 70's, the next, we have snow! I know it isn't a ton of snow, but it is still snow and the temps are still (right now) below freezing. 27 degrees right now and the high is only supposed to be in the mid 40's today, and then Saturday & Sunday, 60's and 70's, again! Gotta love this Utah weather! You would think after 47 years of living here, I would be used to it, but every year it is the same thing. I remember one year, we had snow in June!!! A couple of years ago, they were still skiing at some of the ski resorts on Memorial Day!
No matter what, Utah is home. Always has been, always will be.
Hope everyone has a great day!
Til we meet again! Pam

Monday, April 8, 2013


I messed up my blog layout and I can't get it back to where it was. So, I guess for now, I will have to suffer with this one until I can figure out how to get it back to what I want it to look like.

So, I have had a very stressful past couple of months, but I am hoping we are getting things under control and maybe life can start getting back to normal.
If there is such a thing as a normal life.
I will be posting more about the stress on Wednesday and linking up with Shell on Pour Your Heart Out.

I have also started putting blog time on my calendar on my phone, so I am hoping I can keep up with everyone and be here everyday. Please be patient and keep checking in, because I would really like you to come along with me on this journey I am taking.

Til we meet again! Pam

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Busy, busy

I thought I had better check in since I haven't for a week or so and I said I  was going to every day.
I have been having so much fun the since the last time we talked.

*Finally got Princess Shaney back into school. She has been such a brat about school and so far she is liking being back with all her friends. Hopefully it will last and we won't have to go through all the crap we have been going through the past 8 months.

*Wednesday night, I was right in the middle of giving Prince Krusher a haircut, all the sudden the power went out. You know sometimes it flickers before it goes out, oh no, it was just gone. I started screaming and having a fit. Princess Daughter got the flashlight, stood in the bathroom doorway shining the light on Prince Krusher's head and telling me I could now continue with the haircut!!! She is so damn cute!

*I have been busy, busy doing crochet projects and have a good ol' time doing them. Now I just need to get them together so I can post pictures for all of you to see.
 Well, that is all for now. If anything more is accomplished today, I will post again later.
Til we meet again! Pam

Monday, January 7, 2013

Can I just say how glad I am that the weekend and today are over.
I just seemed like nothing could go right.

*Saturday night I took Princess Shaney to hang out with some of her friends. I decided to take my camera with me, because I haven't done that for a while. After I dropped her off, I went and picked up Prince Krusher from his dad's house so he could go hang out with some friends. Now the thing about Prince Krusher is, when he goes to his friends' house, he needs to take all his Xbox stuff with him. So, when we got to his friends house he asked me to take the Xbox home, I told him I would if he would put it on the front seat so that I wouldn't forget it in the car. I got home and got the Xbox off the front seat and took it in the house.

*Sunday, I was having my morning coffee and sitting outside on the porch doing my other bad habit and watching the sunrise. I was sitting there (freezing my butt off) thinking that would be a cool picture. That's when it hit me; it had been in the minus degrees during the night and I left my freaking camera in the car!
Later in the day, I decided I really needed to put some air in my tires because my tire pressure light had been on for a while. So, I went to the gas station and proceeded to put air in my tires. I was on the last tire, I put air in and then put the air gauge in to see where I had the pressure, I must of had a little too much air in, because instead of just the end popping out to show you the air pressure, the damn thing came SHOOTING out the end and pieces went everywhere!

*Today, I went out to start my car so I could go to my mom's and hang out for the day and the stupid thing would not start. Like I said before it has been in the negative degrees here during the nights for the past week or two. I just figured that is what the problem was. But oh no, it couldn't be that easy instead, I had to spend $100 and buy a new battery for my car. Now it is running just great!

Well, there is my update on the crappy weekend. Hope you all had a better weekend and hope you have a great week!
Til we meet again! Pam

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year-Bring on 2013!

First, I just want to say Happy New Year to everyone! I hope you all had a fun and safe holiday. I am so glad 2012 is over and this year (and years to come) is going to be the best ever.

I am one who has quit making resolutions; I always fail at them. So, this year, I am going to set little goals. I will begin with 3 goals. When one is completed, I will add a new one to take the completed ones place. I am hoping to complete these goals with the help from all of you. I will be posting about them weekly.
So, here are my first 3 goals:

1- I want to get healthy this year, so my first goal is to loose 20 lbs  this year.

2- I want to quit being a doormat for everyone, especially my kids. They will all
    have new rules to follow this year and they are going to find out
    Queen Mamma can be a Bitch!

3- I am going to update my blog every day.

To help me do that, I am going to have categories for each day of the week;

*Monday- will be family updates- to let you know how things are going
   with the kids and if I am still being a doormat or not.
*Tuesday- will be about whatever I decide to post about; just miscellaneous things.
*Wednesday- will be my post to share on Pour Your Heart Out
*Thursday- will be about things I have been working on, photography, crochet, etc.
*Friday-will be weigh-in days. Self explaining. I will be able to keep you up to    date on the weight loss progress.

Hope to see everyone regularly. And Happy New Year!

Til we meet again! Pam