Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Too Funny

Last year, I wrote this post
Whenever I want to get my family going, I make some kind of comment. Usually it is just me venting about something or someone. I never mention any names. Sometimes I don't even say what it is exactly about, just write something. My family starts calling and texting me. They never make one comment on my FB post.

Tonight, this was my post:
ISO- 4-5 bedroom, 2 bath rooms. Preferably with animal rights. But ok if not.
 2 of my nieces text me and my sil called me. 

I think it's funny, no one really talks to me, until I put something out there for the whole world to see and then they want to know everything that is going on.
But, they could careless how I am doing and what is going on when they are around me.
If they only knew how crappy my life really is, they still wouldn't give a shit, because theirs is so perfect and if you have problems, that is your problem and deal with it.

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Why Does No One Listen When I Talk?

I guess I need to go take some speaking classes, so I can learn how to speak and be listened to instead of ignored. I am so tired of feeling like I am talking to the wall when I talk to anyone.
*Do you know what it feels like to go into your daughter's counselor's office with her and the minute you open your mouth to talk about things, he's over in his chair yawning and rubbing his eyes? Really? This is my daughter you are supposed to be helping. We should be working together on this, not against each other. Show a little bit of interest in what I have to say, instead of acting like everything that comes out of my mouth has no merit and is not important to what is going on.
*But, it's not just him. It is every single person I talk to! Why?
Is it because they think I am some dumb blond and have no clue about anything. That I should just sit in the corner and keep quite.
*So, I don't have a college degree and I'm not as educated as you. Does that really matter? Do I really come across as being that stupid that my opinion really doesn't matter?
*Teach me how to talk so that people will want to hear what I have to say. Not only hear what I have to say, but listen to what I have to say and want my opinion!
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I Can't Believe He is Gone!

As I sat yesterday watching the evening news, I (as were many millions of people) stunned & shocked on the death of 
Robin Williams.
I grew up on Happy Days and then Mork and Mindy.  I watched his 
career grow as I grew up. There were so many, many amazing films 
that he was apart of. As I was thinking of some of my favorites, 
Good Morning Vietnam came quickly to mind. Another at the top of my list was Patch Adams.
Princess Shaney came home from being with friends and was talking to me about it and asked who he was. Knowing she knew who he was, I was surprised that she asked who he was. I told her he played Mrs. Doubtfire, she sat there repeating that title over and over, trying to recall the movie. When, at the same time we both said Jumanji!
When she asked me how he died, I told her, suicide. She was shocked! Which then surprised me since she had struggle so much last year with the same thing. She still struggles, but has been getting the help she needs and is doing a lot better.
Today, as I watch news shows and look at Facebook, it just shows how much he was loved by millions of people from around the world and all walks of life. * I changed from our local news station to ESPN to see if there were any updates on some sports things, the guys on ESPN were even talking about Robin Williams!
*The most important thing we need to learn from this tragedy is,
DEPRESSION is a real illness and it is time to do something about it. We have lost way too many good people to this disease and it needs to stop and it needs to stop now!
As we were watching a local news show tonight, they talked about depression and suicide ( this local station does this every couple of months), Mr. Hubs asked, with him being so famous, do you think this will turn into an ongoing awareness, like with Magic Johnson and AIDS? I told him yes! I sure as hell hope it does!! If anything can bring more awareness to suicide, this is it!!
I just hope it will.
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, May 15, 2014

I Have Been MIA, Again!

I was just thinking I had done a post for Pour Your Heart Out for a while. I started going through my blog and I just about died when I seen when my last post was, period!
My New Year's Resolution was to work on my blog, daily! And the last time I made a post since March on Princess Shaney's birthday! That is insane!
But let me tell you what I have been doing!

*I just started a photography class online, a couple of weeks ago. It has been a lot
  of fun and I have been learning a lot more, which is good because I just bought
  me a new $1400.00 camera!!! Yay!

*I have been spending so much time on my crochet and that has been so much fun! I
  can't believe that I made these!

                                    I made these cowboy (girl) boots for my
                                    nephew's new baby girl

I made this for this cutie for 
her 2nd birthday that is the 
end of this month.

I went from making hats, scarfs, and boots, to making this dress!! My next project
is a top for my niece & Princess Shaney that I found online and they both want one
really bad. When I get them finished, I will post pictures.

*Last Wednesday, The kids and I took a fast trip to Wichita, KS! It was a 2400    mile round trip, trip. That cute little girl (above) and her mom also went with us
 and she did really good. We left Sunday to come home, because I wanted to be  home on Monday, but we didn't get home until Tuesday night. It seemed like it  didn't matter what we did, something slowed us down. Severe storm warnings,    tornado warnings, winter storm warnings, road closures for accidents, officer  involved shootings. You name it, we had it. But we made it home and trying to 
 get back into a normal routine.
 The one bad thing, I took both cameras with me and I have maybe 20 pictures  from the whole trip and they were all from Denver when we were stuck in the
 canyon for 3 hours. So, they are all of the same thing (pretty much) just different 
 areas & shots. That really sucked. Guess you know who was doing all the  driving!

*Oh, one more thing, Princess Shaney hasn't seen her counselor in over a month!!
  Mostly because we have to keep rescheduling because we have had so many 
  things going on. But she has been doing awesome! I'll post more about that at a
  different time. Maybe when we go see in 2 weeks, he'll have her only start             coming in once a month!

Hope everyone has been having a good couple of months, because I actually have!

Til We Meet Again! Pam          

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Happy Birthday, Baby!

See this beautiful girl? This is my baby. 15 years ago today, she came into our lives. We have had good times and bad times. But, I would not trade one day of the past 15 years for anything!
I love you and I am so glad you are a part of my life! Happy Birthday, my Princess Shaney!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

So Tired

All you do is cry and whine that nobody likes you and all your friends leave you.
And all I can say is, if you treat your friends the way you treat me and the rest of your family, it's no wonder your friends don't want to be friends with you anymore! 
*I am so tired of you treating me like shit after everything I have done for you. Now that I am making you have rules & I am sticking to them, when I tell you no, you tell me how picked on you are and no one loves you and everyone is so mean to you.
* Oh-My-God! You are so fucking picked on! Last weekend you told me you were spending the night at your friend's house. Your Friend, told her mom you guys were staying at your cousin's house. Then you both go and stay at some boy's house with a bunch of other boys. I told you when I found out, you were grounded for a week. Well, the weekend gets here and all you do is fight about going to stay at some friend's house for her birthday and then I tell you no, and its all; I'm so picked on; nobody likes me; you never let me do anything; you are too over-protective; blah, blah, blah! 
*Good hell! It's only been a week (today) that I told you, you were grounded. Maybe for every time you fight with me about doing something, I should add another day onto it. Since I am such a bitch & mean mother!
I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you don't realize how much I love you and I am trying to protect you. I was a lot like you at your age and my mom didn't know what she was talking about. Just like you think I don't know what I'm talking about. I keep asking you if you want to be like me when you get to be my age. Do you want to be married 3 times and divorced twice? Do you want to have to rely on a man your whole life and never be able to support kids without a man to do it for you? You don't want to have to live that way. 
Maybe one day you will realize how much I love you and how much I am just trying to protect you. I don't want to loose you! I don't want you to die!

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Really? Why do you have to be that way?

Can I just say how tired I am, that when you  are home, you control the remote.
Why is that? I can be in the middle of a program and you come home, pick up the remote, walk over sit in your chair (that no one else can sit in when you are home) and start flipping through channels until you find what you want to watch. It doesn't matter what it is; American Pickers, The Weather Channel, golf, some old western, basketball, soccer, tennis, boxing, and on and on.
But what really, really irritates me is when you have to watch old games. Oh wait, classic games. Games from any where to 1970 something to early 2000's.
Here it is, the beginning of NASCAR season, I have the remote and just because I am on my laptop when you come home, you take the remote and change the channel and start watching Golf!
It's NASCAR! It's what I have been waiting for since November. It's what I have been marking off on my calendar since the first of this month! I know it's not
technically an official race. But it's my sport! Its' just practice for next week's race and there is an actual race on tonight. But again, not a race that actually counts toward the whole season. But, it is my sport. I know you would rather watch golf or whatever other sport is on. I know there are no cars on the track right now, because they are doing pre-race season stuff. But, it's my sport! I like to try and get caught up on things that have happened in the off season, without always having to get online to see what has been going on.
I don't mind watching golf, when my Little Irishman (Graeme McDowell) is playing. I absolutely hate watching basketball with you, because all you do is yell at the t.v. and go right insane. I hate how you have to rewind the t.v. to show me a shot on anything you are watching, and say: did you see that? watch this! Really? I don't care and I really hate when you do that!

Do you have a favorite sport or even t.v. show that you like to watch, but can't when your spouse or significant other is around because they have to be in charge of the remote?
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Friday, February 14, 2014

My Favorite Time of the Year!

Today, February 14 is Valentine's Day! 
Do you just love it? I do! But, not because it is Valentine's Day, but because it is that much closer to the beginning of the NASCAR season!!
It was a good day. Kids went to school. Princess Shaney was so excited that she got a pink Carnation from a secret admirer. Prince Krusher had a date, because the Sweetheart's Dance is tonight. So, he and his friends & their dates had a movie night and then tomorrow they are all going to the dance. I will post pics on Sunday of them.
I had Chinese food and sat in front of the t.v. all night watching NASCAR stuff.
First it was 2 hours of practice for tomorrow nights race, then it was an hour of Remembering the 2012 Daytona 500, then it was an hour of  The Return of the Number 3. Then it was an hour of The Day, Remembering Dale Earnhardt.
So, all in all, it was a great night! And now, I'm off to bed!
Hope all of you had a great Valentine's Day, no matter how you choose to celebrate it!
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Huge Step!

It's been a hard week. On February 2, Princess Shaney had another friend she used to go to school with, try to commit suicide. And it turned into a pretty sad and bad ordeal. I will maybe talk about that another time. She had moved to California about a year ago and was constantly bullied.

On Tuesday night, one of my friends put together a candle light vigil for all of the kids that had gone to school with her, friends and family that still live in this area and just anyone who wanted to attend. There were about 200 people that showed up, most of them were Jr. High & High School kids. Those that knew her talked about her and shared memories of her. Then some of the kids talked about their experiences with bully and suicide attempts. That's when Princess Shaney made her huge step.
She talked about how she has been bullied her whole life at home and at school, she talked about how she didn't think anyone would care if she was dead and how she had attempted suicide twice. She told of how when her other friend had
committed suicide and the ripple effect it had and how many people it affected, not just her family, but tons of people. She talked about how now she knows there are a lot of who love and care about her and would really struggle if she wasn't here.
I was so proud of her. That is the first time she has talked about it with people she didn't know and kids she hasn't seen in about a year. That is one of the biggest steps to take in getting better, not to hide things, but to put them out there and deal with them openly and honestly.
So, things are getting better and better every day.

 This is Princess Shaney (on the right) and her best friend

I am so glad things are finally getting better!

I am linking up over at

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Monday, February 10, 2014

Been MIA, Again!

It has been crazy around here last couple of weeks! So, now I'm trying to get caught up on some things. One being bloggy world!
The last time I posted, it was still January! Now it's almost the middle of
February! How crazy is that?

So, since the last time I posted, We had an officer involved shooting. One was about 45 miles from my home, the other was about 5 miles from my home. 2 County Sheriffs were shot by the same person. 1 was killed, the other was shot in the head but did survive and is doing well. This incident hit very close to home. I have 2 brothers that are both police officers and they knew both officers.

*Prince Kenard turned 21! How crazy is that? I can
not believe that my first boy is 21! Where does the time go? It does not seem it has been that long since he was born.

*A couple of days before Prince K's birthday, I had gone out in the field to do some pictures, because it had been a few days since I had done that too.
Well, one of my outdoor babies seen me outside and decided it was time to play.
He always thinks he' just a big puppy dog. He is big but is not a puppy dog.
I like to play with him. But, there are times he scares me. And being out in a foot of snow when he wants to play is one time that he does really scare me, cause he can move a lot faster than I can.

He wanted his belly scratched

Come on! Come play with me!

Well, that's what I've been doing the past couple of weeks. Hope you all have been having
a good February!
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Sunday, January 26, 2014

First Month of New Year

Can you believe that in 5 days the first month of the new year will be over?!
Holy crap! It seems like 2014 just started a day or 2 ago and the first month
is over. How crazy is that?
It has actually been a good month. I have accomplished many things. I even started on the pig sty! Woot,woot!
We have had some tough days, but also so some good days.
I have gotten out and done pictures, spent time with Princess Shaney, and have worked some 
on the pig sty. All in all, I would said, it has been a pretty good month, considering all the
other things that have gone on this month.

I do have big plans for the upcoming month:
1-I will be working on different types of photography;
    night photography, portraits, and still landscape.

2-I will continue to work on the house and get it cleaned
   and organized.

3-Prince Kenard will be turning the big 21 next week!

4-There are some other things I will start working on
   this month, but I am keeping them under wraps, for now.

How has your first month of the New Year turned out?

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Saturday, January 25, 2014

No More Parties

Yesterday was Mr. Hubs birthday. He turned the BIG 6-0!
I planned this party for him. ( I like to do parties for big numbers).
Didn't want a lot of food, so I just had my sisters and nieces do deserts.
So we had cheesecakes, brownies, cookies, etc. Just a variety of
We just did it as an open house and it was for 2 hours. I talked to people
that he worked with and created an event page on Facebook. I made phone calls
and sent text messages.
No one came! I guess I shouldn't say no one, 1 of my sisters (and her 5 kids),
1 of my brothers and his wife and daughter (it was at their place) my parents,
My oldest sister's 3 daughters came (not my sister). 1 of his nieces (and her daughter) came 3 guys that work with him, 3 guys that used to work with him
and that's it! None of his brothers & sisters came, and None of his "friends" came. Guess we know who his friends are.
So, then here I am pissed because I work my butt off, have my family work their
butts off and no one shows up. And the worst part, Mr. Hubs didn't even want
to be there. He wanted to just be home on his throne, by the fire place, watching
t.v. Needless to say, that's my last party. Not doing anymore.
What do I do? I stew over everything that went on last night. I get up this morning
and am still pissed about everything from the night before. So, after being up for a few hours and still stewing over things, I decide I need to leave. I take my camera and stuff out to the car and decide to go back down to the lake and do more pictures.
I'm gone maybe an hour, and my camera battery is dead! Seriously? I didn't even check it before I left the house and I didn't have my other battery with me. But, it did make me feel better for that little while I was out and the few pictures I did get done.
Here are a few of the pictures I did today.
                              The ice on the lake is starting to
                               break up and push into shore

                                     An old tree with the blue sky and
                                    mountains & lake in background

                                 An old Christmas tree someone had
                                    been burning on the shore

Hope you all have a great rest of the weekend.
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Saturday, January 18, 2014

A Letter to Your Daughter

Dear Mr. & Mrs. K.,
I know this past week has been very difficult for you. I can't even begin to comprehend the pain and anguish you are going through and will continue to go through in the days and years ahead. I know there have been many questions as to why this happened to your beautiful daughter and no one has
the answers for you. But, maybe this might bring some comfort to you. And hopefully you may see that your beautiful daughter did not die in vain. As I
sat at the funeral today with my daughter, all I kept thinking is, this could have been us, so easily. And that is when I decided I needed to write this letter.

My Dear A,
Although I did not know you, two of my kids did. I wish I had known you.
Today, as I sat at your funeral and listened to the kind words that your 
friends and family had to say about you, and the beautiful song that your
father sang and also the one that your High School Choir sang, it made 
me wish that I had met you and got to know you.
We as a mother & daughter have also had a hard time this week, with your
passing, it was not the same as your family. Our's was a celebration of your
life, also again, not the same as your family.
You met my daughter, Shaney a couple of times at church with your neighbors,
and had crossed paths a few times. But did you know she also suffers from
depression & anxiety? Did you also know that she had attempted suicide twice
this past year.
A couple of days before your passing, we were at counseling and I had told her
counselor how I wanted to put her in a residential treatment center, because I
just could not see any changes in her and I did not feel like she was getting any
better. He told me she was doing so much better than when we first started seeing him after her first attempt in June.
The day of your death, she called and told me. I was devastated that my daughter knew someone that had died this way. I thought I was going to go right insane because of my fear for this. I thought this would be a big eye opener or it would push her completely over the edge. I was so scared what she was going to do now.
 I called her every 1/2 hour the rest of the day as she sat at her dad's house (across the canyon from your house) and cried with her friends about all that had gone on that day and asking themselves the same questions as to why this had happened.
The following day, she went to church with her friends that live right next door
to you. And was planning on staying at her dad's again that night.
At about 8:00 that night, she called me and told me she needed to come home.
I asked her why and she told me she was scared she would do something if
she didn't come home. I asked her if she wanted to do something. She told me
yes and that is why she needed to come home, because she knew if she stayed
at her dad's that she would and if she was home she wouldn't because I would
keep her safe and make sure she didn't do anything.
She told me that seeing how your death had affected everyone and how much 
they were all hurting, that she didn't want to do that to her family and friends
and she is going to work even harder to get better and fight to stay here with
When she got home that night, we sat on the couch together and talked and
cried. That night, we went to bed together and I just held her while she slept.
There was no suicide attempts, no cutting or any other type of self harm.
She now realizes that if she is not home when she starts having these thoughts and feelings, that she needs to be home with people who will keep her safe and she does everything she has to to get to her safe place.
I know your family and friends are going to continue to grieve and be in pain, I will count myself in that group.
I know this will sound selfish and I am sorry, I don't know how to say this without it sounding that way. But, thank you A. for saving my daughter's life and giving her back to us. For this, I will never forget you or your family. And they will continue to be in my thoughts and heart.
With Love & Gratitude,
Shaney's Mom 

Again Mr. & Mrs. K.,
I am truly sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I want you to know that if 1 person can be saved from your tragic loss, it might all be worth what you are going through. And for now, it is my daughter that is being saved. Hopefully she will continue stay strong and continue to get better.
Your daughter will always have special place in my heart and my daughter's.

Note to readers: I have used initials in place of names for all involved. 
Also, if you have any suggestions on changes on any part of this, please let me know so I can make them before I mail this to them.

Til We Meet Again! Pam 

I will be sharing this on Wednesday with

Monday, January 13, 2014

Finally! I'm seeing some changes!

Remember over the weekend Princess Shaney had a friend that killed herself. I told you that I would update when I got more information. Well, I don't know too much more than I did on Saturday. Just that she had been bullied and that she had hung herself.
Last night, Princess Shaney wanted to stay at her dad's again and just come home this morning when he came to pick up Prince Kenard for work. Well, at about 6:30 last night, she sent me a text telling me she wanted to come home and could I come and get her. I told her that I would send Prince Kenard up to get her and bring her home.
They were taking forever to come home so I finally got ahold of Prince K and found out where they were. I guess they had stopped by another friends house cause they were worried about her.
When they got home, I asked Princess S why she had decided to come home instead of staying at her dad's. She told me, I was so scared that I was going to do something bad, because I really wanted to do something. So, I decided I needed to come home and be with you. I was so shocked by that, but more than anything, I was so proud.
I asked her why this time was different from the other times and she told me, I have seen first hand now after Ashlyn, how hard this is on everyone and how much it hurts everybody. I don't want you or my friends to go through that.
 Finally! I believe she really does want to change and get better!
Maybe we are getting on the right track!
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Week In Review

The first full week of the new year has just ended and I would just like to say, 

I am pretty damn proud of myself!

I have gotten out of the house just about every day. I have done pictures every day, even though I haven't posted them every day. I don't want to bore you with all my pictures.
I have showered everyday, woot, woot! And I have written on my blog just about every day! The only thing I haven't done is work on the pig-sty.
But, you know what? I think I will be starting on that soon.
I think I have made HUGE strides with all the things I have accomplished this 
first week of this New Year!
Hope every one's first week has been good.

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Saturday, January 11, 2014


Last night I was reading through my list of blogs that I follow, when I came across this title that jumped out at me, Are we going to be okay? that I had to go right to it and read it. Then, this morning, I had to share on Facebook.
As I started reading it, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. So many memories of what we have been going through for the past 10 months. All I could think is, Oh my gosh! this is my child!
I know I have said this time and again, and I will keep saying it until I'm blue in the face if that is what it takes to save at least 1 child out there. If you see major changes in your child don't assume that it is just normal teenage stuff.
We need to know what is going on with our kids. Don't assume that things are
fine and nothing is wrong. That is what I did. I never thought that I would have a child who would attempt suicide, let alone attempt twice.
There is so much out there these days and a lot of peer pressure.
*This has turned into a sadder post than what I had planned.
Princess Shaney called me about 1:00 this afternoon and asked me if I knew what was going on in the town her dad lives in, I told her no, why? One of the girls that she was with, her mom called and said, stay off Facebook,there is some stuff going on up here that I want to tell you about, but I don't have all the info yet. When I get it, I will let you know.
Come to find out, one of their friends had committed suicide. She was Jr. in High School and very beautiful.
Princess Shaney didn't know her real well, but she had hung out with her a couple of times. I tried to talk to P. Shaney, but she just wants to be with her friends and stay with them the rest of the night. So, that is what I will let her do.
I am adding links to some pages that have very good information, warning signs, where too get help, how to help your kids who have been affected by suicide.
I have also added a link at the top of my home page for the suicide prevention life line.

SAVE-Suicide Awareness Voices of Education-http://www.save.org

Nation Suicide Prevention Lifeline-http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

KidsHealth-About Teen Suicide-http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide.html 

I will update more on the recent suicide after Princess Shaney comes home tomorrow.

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Friday, January 10, 2014


So, my favorite show is Grey's Anatomy. I have always loved that show.
I love it so much, that I dvr all the old shows they show on the Lifetime
Network and watch them over and over.
Well, last week, I took Princess Shaney to get her hair done and our stylist was
telling me how much she loves Grey's too. Well I mean who doesn't love Grey's?
Then she goes on to tell me how all episodes are on Netflix.
Princess Ash has a Playstation 3, a Wii, and a Nintendo Gamecube. She is
always wanting to put one in the front room. The other day I told her she could
put the Wii in there. BIG Mistake. B-i-g, b-i-g mistake. Now all I do is sit
in front of the t.v. and watch rerun episodes of Grey's Anatomy. And then you
wonder why I live in a P-I-G-STY house. Grey's Anatomy is only part of the
reason I live in the pig sty.
The other reasons I live in a pig sty are:

1- I hurt. Ever since the car accident (almost 4 years ago), I just hurt all the

2-My depression. Again, since the car accident, my depression has gotten so
   much worse than it was before.

3-I have so much stress in my life, which come right back to the hurting and depression

4-Overwhelmed. There is just so much crap in this house that I am so overwhelmed with all of it and have no clue where to start. And I have lazy kids. which brings me to #5

5-I'm L-a-z-y

It's not that I like living this way, because I don't. I pin all the organize pins and I follow blogs
about organization. I start doing what they suggest and do it the way they say, but I guess I don't
follow them the right way. Because it always looks worse than it did before I started. So then,
#4- so overwhelmed! And no one ever helps.

What are your secrets for not living in a pig-sty?
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, January 9, 2014

More Pictures

So, I have been getting out of the house a little bit. I dropped
Princess Shaney off at school at about 7:50 this morning and I
didn't come home until about 9:15.
I have gotten (back) in the habit of taking my camera with me every time I
go in the car. And I had a lot of fun this morning.
I love it when it has been (or is) foggy. All the crystals on everything.
So, these are the pictures I did this morning.
                                        Barbed wire hanging on a fence

                                  Weeds smashed down by the snow

                                          Cows in a field

                                        Fence Post

I have been having fun getting back out and doing pictures again. I just need to do it more. So it's good that I have set this as one of my goals for the new year.
I also did these ones at my house after I came home from doing the ones above.

                               These are some leaves on a branch
                               on a small tree that is in an old shed
                                at our house.

                                 More leave by our garden

                                         Leaves on our plum tree

I have only done a couple of things on my list of goals; getting out of
the house and doing some pictures. I have not started on this pig sty
of a house yet, But that will be in the next couple of days.

Til We Meet Again! Pam

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Day 5

Have had a good day, today. Got out of the house for a while. Did
some pictures and realized, I have got to get out and practice doing
pictures a lot more, cuz I am really slacking off on doing a job worth
being proud of. I can't believe how much I have forgotten not doing
them on a daily basis (weekly, or monthly basis). 
Anyway, I decided to go for a ride around the lake and see what I could find.
didn't find much. Then I decided to take the long way home. We live in a
rural area with a lot of old run down houses and farm stuff. So, I found this
one house and stopped to take some pictures of it.

While I was taking pictures of this, I looked up in those trees and saw this:

                                                       Bald Eagle

Which I need a a bigger lens so I can get better pics when I can't get close
After these, I went down to another section by the lake and took these:

Then, I came home and watched my Packers get beat by Mr. Hubs 49ers.
Sad time.
So that was my  Sunday. How was your's?
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Saturday, January 4, 2014

First Pictures of the New Year!

This morning I had to take Prince Kenard to work. His truck is broke and he never works Saturdays and he had to be there at 8 a.m. So, I decided to take my camera with me.
We had got fresh snow during the night and it was very cloudy and still stormy
looking. The clouds were blocking the sun and it was looking very cool.
I love the way the clouds hang on our mountains here.

I love our mountains. I stood in the same exact spot to do all 4 of these
photos. Just had to turn slightly in different directions.

That is about all I did today. But I did get out and had some fun.
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Friday, January 3, 2014

Rough Day

Today was a pretty rough day. Counseling with Princess Shaney.
Last week I told Counselor that I just can not see any changes in her and
feel like she isn't getting any better. He told me, no, she has been making 
huge improvements. 
A lot of things have gone during the week from last session until today's
session. She spent New Year's Eve at her dad's with some of her friends.
She had sent a text to one of her other friends saying how they were all hanging
out and talking about depression with her dad. The next day I talked to her dad
and asked him what was going on. He told me that they just talked about
everything that is going on with her, how she was feeling, what her thoughts
are, and stuff like that. So, Thursday I tried to talk to her and she just shut me
out like she usually does. I proceeded to tell her how I feel. I told her that I feel
like she doesn't want anything to do with me; that she she hates me for some
reason I have no idea, why. And for someone who tells everyone how much
she hates her dad, why would he be the one she opens up to and tells everyone
So, at counseling today, Counselor asked how things were going and I told him
I still feel the same way as I did last week and still feeling like nothing has 
changed. So he had me come in with her and talk about some things. He got to
see how she really treats me when I try to talk to her. Her asked her why she is so
mad at me and she told him, she didn't know. She told him that she  just wants
her life back and to be able to have more privacy. He asked her if she has earned
that right, yet. She said she didn't know. He told her he didn't think that she had.
But I had told her on the drive to counseling that I was going to back off a little
bit with reading her texts and Facebook messages, because I am finding out
more than I want to know, with some things.
Now, I need to figure out what I am going to do. My choices are, letting her
move in with her dad and let her have her life back and let him deal with everything. Or finding some place else to move to where she is closer to her
friends. Because she doesn't like bringing them to our house and they all live up
by her dad, which is about 10-15 miles from our house.
Guess we'll just have to see what happens.
Til We Meet Again! Pam

Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Year, New Me!

Here it is the second day of the new year and all I can say is I'm glad 2013 is over!! I just hope this year will be better.

I never make New Year's Resolutions. I don't feel like they are very good. Every year, people make New Year's Resolutions and what do they say, 95-98% of them are broke within the first week of the new year.
Well, I guess that this year I am going to just make little goals. I'm not going to
call them resolutions because really, that doesn't work.

So, these are my goals:

1-Get out of my house at least 1 hour a day. 
    Taking kids back & forth to school or work or counseling does not count.

2-I WILL shower every day.
    There are days when I am so depressed that I won't shower. Sometimes it
     is 2, maybe 3 days that I won't get off the couch long enough to shower.

3-I will spend time working on my photography.
   Before my car accident (3 1/2 years ago) I was going to school to get my
   Bachelor's Degree in Photography. Since the accident I have really slacked
   off on doing hardly any photography and it really sucks, because that has
   always been my out.

4-I will not let myself be manipulated by Princess Shaney any more.
    I know that I say that all the time, but I just can't do it anymore. I
    want my life back.

5-I will try to clean one area in the house a day.
   My house is a pig sty. I have 4 kids that I have babied all of their lives and
   have made them into lazy little brats that just want, want, want and never
   want to give back. And because of my depression, everything is left on
   Mr. Hubs.

6-I am going to work on my blog daily.
   I know that I say that a lot, also. But I am going to start so that I can keep
   record of everything that is going on. What I accomplish or what I don't 
   get accomplished.
   That way I will be able to hold myself accountable.

So, there it is, my goals for the next 29 days. I will keep you updated with progress and after the next 29 days, depending on how I do, I will add more
to my list. I've heard that when you do something for 21 days, it becomes
a habit and easier to continue doing.

Happy New Year to all of you!
Til We Meet Again! Pam