Saturday, January 18, 2014

A Letter to Your Daughter

Dear Mr. & Mrs. K.,
I know this past week has been very difficult for you. I can't even begin to comprehend the pain and anguish you are going through and will continue to go through in the days and years ahead. I know there have been many questions as to why this happened to your beautiful daughter and no one has
the answers for you. But, maybe this might bring some comfort to you. And hopefully you may see that your beautiful daughter did not die in vain. As I
sat at the funeral today with my daughter, all I kept thinking is, this could have been us, so easily. And that is when I decided I needed to write this letter.

My Dear A,
Although I did not know you, two of my kids did. I wish I had known you.
Today, as I sat at your funeral and listened to the kind words that your 
friends and family had to say about you, and the beautiful song that your
father sang and also the one that your High School Choir sang, it made 
me wish that I had met you and got to know you.
We as a mother & daughter have also had a hard time this week, with your
passing, it was not the same as your family. Our's was a celebration of your
life, also again, not the same as your family.
You met my daughter, Shaney a couple of times at church with your neighbors,
and had crossed paths a few times. But did you know she also suffers from
depression & anxiety? Did you also know that she had attempted suicide twice
this past year.
A couple of days before your passing, we were at counseling and I had told her
counselor how I wanted to put her in a residential treatment center, because I
just could not see any changes in her and I did not feel like she was getting any
better. He told me she was doing so much better than when we first started seeing him after her first attempt in June.
The day of your death, she called and told me. I was devastated that my daughter knew someone that had died this way. I thought I was going to go right insane because of my fear for this. I thought this would be a big eye opener or it would push her completely over the edge. I was so scared what she was going to do now.
 I called her every 1/2 hour the rest of the day as she sat at her dad's house (across the canyon from your house) and cried with her friends about all that had gone on that day and asking themselves the same questions as to why this had happened.
The following day, she went to church with her friends that live right next door
to you. And was planning on staying at her dad's again that night.
At about 8:00 that night, she called me and told me she needed to come home.
I asked her why and she told me she was scared she would do something if
she didn't come home. I asked her if she wanted to do something. She told me
yes and that is why she needed to come home, because she knew if she stayed
at her dad's that she would and if she was home she wouldn't because I would
keep her safe and make sure she didn't do anything.
She told me that seeing how your death had affected everyone and how much 
they were all hurting, that she didn't want to do that to her family and friends
and she is going to work even harder to get better and fight to stay here with
When she got home that night, we sat on the couch together and talked and
cried. That night, we went to bed together and I just held her while she slept.
There was no suicide attempts, no cutting or any other type of self harm.
She now realizes that if she is not home when she starts having these thoughts and feelings, that she needs to be home with people who will keep her safe and she does everything she has to to get to her safe place.
I know your family and friends are going to continue to grieve and be in pain, I will count myself in that group.
I know this will sound selfish and I am sorry, I don't know how to say this without it sounding that way. But, thank you A. for saving my daughter's life and giving her back to us. For this, I will never forget you or your family. And they will continue to be in my thoughts and heart.
With Love & Gratitude,
Shaney's Mom 

Again Mr. & Mrs. K.,
I am truly sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I want you to know that if 1 person can be saved from your tragic loss, it might all be worth what you are going through. And for now, it is my daughter that is being saved. Hopefully she will continue stay strong and continue to get better.
Your daughter will always have special place in my heart and my daughter's.

Note to readers: I have used initials in place of names for all involved. 
Also, if you have any suggestions on changes on any part of this, please let me know so I can make them before I mail this to them.

Til We Meet Again! Pam 

I will be sharing this on Wednesday with

1 comment:

  1. What a heartbreaking loss for them. What a lesson for your daughter to learn. I wish it could have been in another way, but at least she's gaining something from it.