MIA-Long Enough

I cannot believe that I have not made a post since June! Sooo much has happened since that last post.

*Princess Daughter's grandmother's home burnt down 4 days after that last post and her (Princess Daughter's) 2 year old cousin passed away in the fire.

* The first weekend in July, my 26 year old nephew had a stroke! He doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. He is a firefighter so he was in pretty good shape.
He was in the hospital about 6 weeks before he was released and could continue with out patient physical therapy. On August 12 we had a HUGE party to celebrate his 27 birthday! He has since returned back to work full time and you can not even tell anything ever happened.

*On October 4, Princess Daughter's grandmother passed away. She had never fully recovered from the fire.

*On October 19, my friend's dad passed away. That was really hard on me. I hadn't seen him in 9 months. He called me 2 weeks prior to his passing to let me know he had been diagnosed with Leukemia. I told him I would be over the next day to visit him. But the princes & princesses had all been sick so I kept putting it off because I didn't want to take germs to him.
No one told me it was stage 4 and there was nothing to be done. On the 19 his daughter called me and let me know he had passed. I had never made it to see him.

I am glad that we have started getting back to normal around here and now that you are all caught up. Hopefully I can be here more regularly.
Til we met again! Pam

Letter to my Daughter

23 years ago today, you came into my life way too early! You came into this world at 24 weeks, weighing only 1lb. 4 oz. and only 13 inches long! You came out fighting and have been fighting ever since. Everyday was a challenge for us.
On July 24, 1989, you were almost 7 weeks old. That was the first time I finally got to hold your tiny body in my arms. One week later, you got a grade 4 brain bleed and we thought we would loose you. But you survived. Two weeks after that you got a yeast infection. You had to be on very strong antibiotics, that is what caused your hearing lose. Being born so early caused you vision lose, because your eyes were not fully developed. After 4 1/2 long months, we finally got to bring you home!
In the past 23 years, we have got to see grow and thrive. Everyday, I have become more and more amazed with you and what a blessing it is to have you in our lives.

I just want you to know how much I love you and how thankful I am that you are my Princess Daughter!

Trying to Get into a Routine

Oh my goodness! Where does the time go?
My sister's baby is a month old! Can you believe it?! It seems like it takes forever to get them here, they are finally born and already time is flying by!
My niece finally had her baby on Thursday (the 31)! She did so good. They were going to induce her that morning but the hospital told us they would have to call her that morning because the doctor didn't call soon enough and they had 3 inductions and one c-section already on the schedule for early in the morning.
I was talking to my mom on the phone (about 8) that morning and I heard my niece tell her, "I think my water just broke!" So, I told my mom I would be right up to get her. We had her in here room at the hospital about 9:00. At 5:45 p.m. they had her start pushing and little Kaylee was born at 6:20 p.m. I could not believe it! First baby and it only took 10 hours from start to finish!

                                 Kaylee Dawn Jensen
                                      May 31, 2012
                                6 lbs. 8 oz. 18 in. long

On Sunday, my parents left to go out of town for a week. My mom wanted me to go stay with my niece. So, I said I would go stay at night and her mom could go be with her during the day, so she is not home alone with a new baby.
That is where "trying to get into a routine" comes in. It has been dang hard trying to take care of two different households. I think last night was the hardest.
I have said all along how crazy I think my sister is for having a new baby. Well, these past few days have proved that to me. I haven't been getting up and doing "night feedings," but I wake up every time the baby does.
I have another niece that has an 8 month old baby, I kept her last night, cause my niece had to be to work by 6:00 this morning. That was tough getting up in the middle of the night with her. She slept from 8:30 til 1, I changed her and fed her and she went back to sleep til 6:30. Then we got up and I brought her out to my house and we hung out here the rest of the day. I am so glad that I am not doing that all the time!
I guess that is all for now. Hope you all have a great night!
Til we meet again! Pam

Because I Chose to Live, I Became a Slacker!

I cannot believe it has been almost a month since my last post! WTF! I chose to live and became a slacker! But, mostly a slacker on my blog! So, I decided I better check in and update you with what has been going on.
* I have been spending way too much not enough time on PINTEREST! And crazily doing all sorts of projects, from reusing to organizing & cleaning. cooking and making my own chalkboard paint. Love it!
*2 weeks ago, my sister had her baby!

                                              Heston J Smith
                                                May 4, 2012
                                       8 lbs. 14 oz. 20 inches long

He's so damn cute! Now we are just waiting for her daughter (this one)  to have her baby. Hopefully it won't be much longer. Lovin' all the new babies in our family!
*My niece went to the doctor on Wednesday and she is dilated to a 1 and 50% thinned. She told me today she has been having a lot of contractions, but only at night. She only has 5 days left til her due date. She is getting very miserable! She can't sleep at night because of all the pains. So, when they finally stop, then she goes to sleep.
She was sooo board yesterday. she wanted to go up the canyon to the waterfall! I was like, umm, no! You drive up the canyon about 3 miles and park. Then you get out and have to hike about 2 miles to get to the waterfall. There are trails that you take, but it is still kind of a hard hike, especially 9 months pregnant!
*Today was the first time in probably 3 months, that the weather has been great and I have felt good (at the same time), so I washed my car! It was sooo disgusting! In the 2 years I have had it, it has never been that dirty! It kicked my butt, so tomorrow, I will clean the inside.
*I finally finished my mom's late Mother's Day present! Princess Daughter told me yesterday, "It is too late, Mother's Day is over! You can't give that to your mom, now! You took too long to fix it! I will post pictures of it tomorrow, along with all my other "pinterest" crafts I have done and some that I didn't get off pinterest.
That is about all that has been going on. I hope I can keep up with living and blogging a little bit better.
Til we meet again! Pam

I Chose to Live

For those of you who have followed some of my posts, you know that I have struggled a lot with depression, marriage issues, low self esteem, self pity, etc. I have talked about my struggles and that I am going to take back my life. I have talked about taking back my life for months and have not done a damn thing to take back control.

I don't have a clue what happened over the weekend. But something snapped and it is like my whole outlook just changed. I started cleaning, I mean deep cleaning. I was so sick of all the crap in this house. We live in King Hubs "family" home. So, there is stuff here that has been here I have no idea how many years. All of his brothers, sisters and nephew's crap at our house (inside & out). In the 10 years that I have been here, they have come and cleaned some of up. But there is still quite a bit.
So, things that have been in the house, I had King Hubs tell me what belonged to which person, boxed it up and put their name on the boxes and called them to come get it or I would get rid of it.
All my decorations that have been in card board boxes and put them in rubber maid containers and put them on the shelves where they go, instead of just leaving them in boxes on the floor.

I have started doing crafts (again) that I have found on Pinterest and have wanted to try. I guess saying "started doing crafts" is an understatement; on Monday, I had three different projects started! Yesterday, I started and finished a totally different one and I am still working on the other 3!

 I know things are going to take time and I am not going to get better over night. But this is a great start. It is amazing how much better you feel when you just get off you butt and start doing things. I haven't been able to go anywhere, because
Prince Kenard has been taking my car to school every day. I guess it is a good thing that the projects I have been doing, I have used things that I have had laying around the house.

I am feeling better and slowly starting to like myself again, because I chose to live and I want to be better for me and for my kids!

Hope everyone has a great day!
Til we meet again! Pam

I'm linkin' up today with Shell over at

Projects Started

I have been having a lot of fun the past couple of days! Remember how I told you
that I was getting addicted to Pinterest? Well, It is getting insane!
I found an idea that I thought was cool here. I thought, I have empty frames, ribbon, left over paint and a few other things. But, I don't want Christmas y things. So, this was my project.
I had plain black frames, and spray paint, ribbon, and flowers. 

So, first I took the black frame; (Sorry, I forgot to take a picture of
the frame).


Then I spray painted it with Krylon Indoor/Outdoor Satin in Pistachio

After I spray painted it, I took a foam brush and just drug it over the fresh paint to  get the streaks so some of the black frame showed through.
Next, I took some silk flowers

  and bunched them together with floral tape.

After, I added them to the frame and put two nails in the back and smashed them down with a hammer to hold the flowers in place. I then took the ribbon and glued it around the frame (for a hanger) to hang on the door.

                                     This is hanging on my front door.

                                    This is just leaning on my fireplace
                                                     mantel.

So, there is my first "Pinterest" project. Not bad if I do say so my self.
What is your favorite Pinterest project?
Have a great day!
Til we meet again! Pam

Oh, MY! Pinterest?

So, I have had a pretty good weekend! Have been very busy, until today. Today I was very lazy!
I used to read blogs about being "addicted" to Pinterest. I would think, how do you get addicted to Pinterest? OMG! I found out last night, how you get "addicted." I started looking through it last night and doing some pins. But, today, I got on and I spent 4 hours on there!! Are you kidding me? Then I have been back on there. It is totally crazy! But it has been a lot of fun and I have found many projects that I want to work on.
Yesterday, while I was cleaning, I found a couple of boxes of stuff that we got from King Hubs' mother's house when she passed away a couple of years ago.

                               There are vases, champagne glasses,
                               candle stick holders, glasses, bowls.
                               And this is just 1 box.
                             

I cannot wait til I can start trying some of the ideas I found on Pinterest! I am so excited to start working on some new things.
Til we meet again! Pam

Some Little Finds

I disappeared (from bloggy world) for a while. Lots going on. But I am back, yippy!
We have a had a busy few days.
*The kidos just went back to school, yesterday after a week off for Spring Break. There were so many things I wanted to do, but the weather sucked! Gotta love this
Utah weather.
*Saturday we had a baby shower for my niece. I think I have mentioned her. She belongs to my younger sister, who is also pregnant! Yep, my sister and her (21 yo) daughter are both pregnant and are do 2 weeks apart.

                                 My niece & my sister

*I have been looking at all these cool things on some other blogs. You know, "reuse" things. I have always LOVED blogs that show all the "reuse" things and have wanted to do things, but could never figure out what to use or what I wanted to do. Well, I have lived at King Hubs' house for 10 years. I don't know if I have mentioned that we live in the "family" home. The house he grew up in and we have almost 10 acres. So, living in the "family" home with all this property, there is a lot 
of JUNK STUFF! So, I am relly looking forward to a FUN summer! Here are my little finds.

                                 I'm not sure what this is, but I know what
                                    I am going to do with it.....

                               This is an old rusty bed frame. I like the
                                look it has now, with the trees growing
                                through it. Not sure what I'm doing with
                                 it, yet.

                                Old "rusty" tool box

                               This was a shed we had our hay in. 2 years
                                ago it caved in from all the snow.
                                LOTS of OLD wood. LOTS of uses!!
                                                Can't wait!!!

                                I think this is an old barn door. Haven't
                                figured out what to do with it yet, either.

So, there are my finds! I am sooo excited. I have more, just didn't post pics of
my other finds.
Hope everyone has a great rest of the week
Til we meet again! Pam

What Would You Do?

I had a great day today! Got a lot of cleaning done today; but not as much as I wanted to, but still quite a bit. Then, I watched the NASCAR Nationwide Race.
While I was watching the race, I was checking emails and there was one from Circle of Moms It was a good article, some of the comments were kind of out there. But that is what this is all about; everyone is entitled to there opinions, right? Maybe I think the comments are out there because this is something I am going through right now.
So, the article is about getting divorced and should you stay together for the kids.
I am from a family of 7 kids. Our parents will celebrate their 56 wedding anniversary this year. All of us kids (except 2) have all been married & divorced. My younger sister (she's almost 41) and I have done it multiple times (she is on #4; #3 for me).
Here is my situation, I am not sure if I have mentioned this before or not. So if I have I am sorry for repeating it. Marriage #1; we had dated for 2 years before we got married. He was very abusive. I knew that before we married.
 Go ahead, ask, What the HELL was I thinking? That is for a different post. Anyway, after being married 5 years and then having Princess Daughter, I decided it was time. And we divorced. Marriage #2; We married 6 months after divorce (#1) was final. We were married for almost 10 years and 3kids. He was an alcoholic and porn addict.
Marriage #3; we have been married for 9 years (in June this year). We lived together for 14 months before we got married; we weren't going to get married because neither  one of us wanted to do that again. Now, he is a great guy, don't get me wrong. No abuse, no addictions, no adultery. He has a great job, owns his home, etc. The problem is, we were married under false pretense. I was so in love when we got married. That all changed about 5 years ago. That's where the false pretense comes in. That is when I found out he never wanted to get married, he only married me so the kids would have health insurance (ex #2 had just quit his job a week before #3 decided to get married). I have tried so hard to make it work. But during all of that I have found out more things. King Hubs always told everyone that things would be better if I didn't have kids. As the years go by and they get older things get worse. We hardly talk. We hardly have sex. He hates the kids, the kids hate him.
So, back to the article. When do you decide it is time? Do you only leave if there are the three A's (addiction, adultery, abuse)? Do you stay for the kids? Do you leave for the health of yourself?  What do you think you would do?
Hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend!
Til we meet again! Pam

Week in Review

This week has actually been pretty good!

*Monday was Princess Shaney's 13th birthday!

                                Princess Shaney (self-portrait)


 I cannot believe that my baby is 13! She likes Chuk-a-rama (a buffet restaurant), so we went there for dinner.
On the Saturday before her birthday, her dad took her and some of her friends roller-skating. So, that was her party.
Remember all those times you swore you would never be like your mother? Well, that ALL changes when you have a teenage daughter! She was getting ready to go to her friend's house the other day. She came in the kitchen to tell me goodbye; I opened my mouth to say something to her and after I did, I cringed! I opened my mouth and spoke, but that wasn't my words or my voice; it was my mother's! I had to look around before I realized it really was me that said, you are not leaving this house wearing that! Go put a different shirt on or stay home! 
*Wednesday, I went out (on our property) and did some pictures it was a lot of fun! Then I came in and downloaded them onto my computer, and every single one of them were so blurry, I deleted all of them. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. So, I took my camera all apart and cleaned everything and put it all back together.
*Thursday, I decided it was time to go play with my "baby." He his going to be 2 in June and I thought it is time to start really working with him. Since I am now home schooling Princess Shaney,  she also went out with me to play with her "baby."

                                               My baby

                                Princess Shaney's Baby (my babies mom)

So, that was the second time I had the bridle on him. He has been so good!
After I got done playing with horses yesterday, I came in and was just beat. I told King Hubs that I was going to go to town (to my weight loss place). So, I got showered and drove 30 miles, got weighed, (that sucked!), got my B12 shot and got me some yummy protein bars. I told them I was going to start coming in every week and get back on track with this. I felt so much better!
*I went out to play with the horses today. It was kind of windy (and they were kind of jumpy) so we just brushed them and then turned them back out.
When I was getting read to go outside, I grabbed my camera and looked at the lens. I figured out why my pictures were so blurry the other day, the lens had been switched to manual focus instead of  auto focus. Guess my blond is coming through.
Kings Hubs has been home from work for 4 days. He hurt his back and could hardly walk. It is always so much fun when he is home for that long, NOT!
Now the kids have all gone with their dad for the weekend, yay!

Sorry this was such a long post (I'm making up for all the days I missed, hehe).
OH, I got a new (hair) do on Monday! I am so luvin it! I will post pics of that another day. Hope you all had a great week!
Til we meet again! Pam

What the?!!!!

So, I was just going through my posts and I realized I have only posted twice in almost 2 weeks and they were both PYHO. What is up with that. Guess I have failed BIG time with my 30 day challenge, right?  What a slacker!
I have been spending so much time reading and posting on other blogs I didn't even realize (until now) that I was neglecting mine! Guess I will have to get you caught up on what has been going on and I guess this might be a long one, sorry.

*On Tuesday (last week) the kids had a choir concert. Prince Krusher plays percussion in the Jr. High band, so they were invited to preform in a few songs with the choir.

                                     Prince Krusher playing the
                                               "shaker" thing                        

                               Prince Krusher taking break between
                                                songs

He always does so good. At the program they did in December, I didn't take my camera and I was sooo mad. The choir sang the song, "Little Drummer Boy"  
(I don't think that is the actual name) anyway, he played the "drummer" part for that song. I couldn't believe it! When the program was over I asked him why he didn't tell us he had a "solo?" He told me it was cause it was no big deal! HELLO, it was a big deal to me!

*Wait til you see what I have decided to do with these:

It is probably not going  to be anything really major, just something springing. I am so ready for Spring and I am needing some color. So on Saturday I went to the  dollar store and got the baskets, flowers and the floral foam. I got the eggs at wally-world and the paint I already had from some previous projects I had done.

*So this was supposed to be my weekend (week) away. I go to Las Vegas this time every year to (for the past 9 years) the NASCAR race. I usually leave on a Wednesday and come back on Monday (today). This year I sold my tickets and stayed home. I really thought it was going to be hard, but it really wasn't. I stayed home all weekend, but got a lot of things accomplished. So, that was good.

Well, there is my catch up. Check back tomorrow and maybe I will have the baskets and flowers figured out and put together.      
Til we meet again! Pam            

I'm Sorry

I have been struggling for the last 14 months with an issue. Something I have been keeping bottled up all this time. I have decided that the only way to deal with it and maybe move on, is to let it out.
So, tonight I am linking up with PHYO with Shell.


                                       I'm Sorry


I am sorry that I walked away from you after dating for three years.
I am sorry that I broke your heart, when I walked away.
I am sorry that you thought I never looked back. Because I did, constantly.
I am sorry that I never told you how much I appreciated
      you were always there for me, over the years.
I am sorry that I never realized how much you loved me.
I am sorry that when you would come into my place of work
      I would sometimes act like I didn't know you.
I am sorry that I was never there for you when you needed me and
     especially when you needed me the most.
I am sorry that I was never willing to try and work things out between us.
I am sorry that I never told  how much I really loved you  and I always will.
I am sorry that I have spent more time visiting you and talking to you
       in the last 14 months than I have in the last 20 years.
I am sorry for any part I had in your decision to walk away from everyone
       who loves you.
I am sorry that our last kiss was right before they closed your casket.
I am sorry

No More Pity Parties!

So, I have been sitting here today watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy (my most favorite show) and reading through the PYHO links today. I read this post by jen@adropinthebucket, which then led me to this one by Ashley which got me thinking, what the hell is wrong with me?!

Just because I hate my life, I hate my husband (yesterdays post), I hate the fact that since my car accident (almost 2 years ago) I have been in almost constant pain and constant depression. But, what is wrong with me? I am pretty much healthy, I'm not dying (even though the past week or so I thought I was), I am not having things repossessed (yet) because I can't pay for them, my utilities aren't being turned off, I haven't lost any loved ones in a few years.

I have decided that the thing that is wrong with me is me! My attitude, My outlook on life, My low self-esteem. What has happened too me over the years? In Jr. High and High School, I didn't give a crap what the "popular" kids thought of me. I didn't let people walk all over me. If you gave me crap, we were done. But as I have gotten older, things changed, I changed (on some things, but not others). I became every body's door mat.

I need to be with someone who will love be, someone who will lift me up not drag me down. Somebody who loves me & my kids. Someone who wants to share everything. For now, that someone is me! I am the only one who can give me what I want. I am the only one who can love me & my kids the way we need to be loved! Only me! I am not afraid to be alone, because as long as there is me and my kids, I am not alone! We have each other and for now, that is all we need. Just us!

So, I choose, joy. I choose, happiness. I choose, self reliance, I choose self respect. And most of all I choose ME!!!
Thanks for letting me pour my heart out once again!
And thank you Ashley & Jen!

I Don't Like You Anymore

There are quite a few reasons that I don't like you anymore. I am going to start with the most important reason and work my way to the more petty not so important ones.

*I don't like you bc; 4 years after the fact, you told me you only married me so my kids would have health insurance.
*I don't like you bc; Before the kids & I moved in with you, I told them how you go camping every weekend and we have only been camping (as a family) 3 times.
*I don't like you bc; You have never gone on a family vacation with us.
*I don't like you bc; You don't like my kids and they don't like you.
*I don't like you bc; You never wanted someone with kids and you would have been much happier if I didn't have them.
*I don't like you bc; When my parents & sister asked to go to Hawaii with them last year, you told me no bc you had already been there and you didn't want to go again. Even though I had never been.
*I don't like you bc; When I got in my car accident and called you to come pick me and Princess Daughter up and take us to the doctor later that day, you acted so put out by the whole thing.
*I don't like you bc; When I ask you to do anything for me, it is such an inconvenience for you.
*I don't like you bc; We never do anything but sit home.
*I don't like you bc; I am wife #4 and I am the only one you never bought a wedding set or even just a wedding band for.
*I don't like you bc; I am also the only one you didn't take on a honeymoon.
*I don't like you bc; Every time I have wanted to go a certain place for a get away, you won't go bc that is where you always went with the others. So I always went by myself with the kids.
*I don't like you bc; After all the above reasons, you make me feel like crap about myself.
*I don't like you bc; After 10 years, you still don't know how I like my coffee.

Sorry, about this post tonight. I said before that I started this blog so I had somewhere to vent when I needed to and tonight, I needed to vent. It has been building up for a little while.
Til we meet again! Pam

Pretty good

So today was a pretty good day. I still feel like crap and I still have no energy, but all in all it was a good day. I did a couple loads of laundry, did dishes, showered and did my hair. Then the hubs & I went to Wally-world to get a few things. We were there maybe a 1/2 hour and I thought I was going to die. By the time we got back to the car, I had the worst headache & I thought I was going to pass out. Then we came home hoping the rain in Florida had stopped so we could watch the Daytona 500 on t.v. No such luck. It got rained out and will run tomorrow. That will be good cause then I can sit and watch it without any interruptions!
*I spent a lot of time on line today going through my "blogs follow" list trying to decide what I was keeping & what I wasn't. I found some new ones and read some past posts on ones I had kind-of been following. Got some real neat ideas for some projects that I have been wanting to do. Hopefully I can start on some of them this week.
*There is this new one that I found today and I laughed so hard I just had to share. You should really go check her out! Then, there is this one, that is very inspirational and brings everything back in to perspective. And this one has a lot of cool stuff and more blogs that I have been checking out.
*I hope everyone has had a great weekend!
Til we meet again! Pam

Will I EVER Get Better?

This has been a crappy week! I went to the doctor last week and was put on antibiotics, I am not any better, just worse. So I called my doctor today and went in and got a shot of antibiotics. My butt hurts, so I hope I will start feeling better soon. I have not wanted to do anything and getting on computer just makes my eyes (pink eye & sinus infection) hurt soooo bad.

I have decided I am so sick of all my family drama! I have a sister who will be a new mom, a grandma and turn 41 all in the same month. Which I just think is totally insane! Her daughter who is pregnant turned 21 in December and she is not even mature enough to be having a baby and it just makes me sick. She lives with her grandma ( my mom). She has a stupid job (but it is a job) and she only makes about $1000/month. But, she doesn't pay rent or have a car payment, no bills at all. She texted me last Friday to see if I would barrow her some money cause she needed a new bra. Seriously? I can't live on what we make every month. I told my mom about it and asked her what was up with that, mom said, she has no money, she has spent everything she has made since she started working. That is probably close to $5000. I just about died! I mean, the first 1000 or 2 was before she found out she was pregnant, but 3000 in 3 months with NO bills?! She has bought a few baby things, but really nothing. She hasn't got a crib or car seat or even a bassinet. My brother's wife gave her about 4 boxes of clothes (from 0-12 months). We just keep telling her she needs to grow up and start being responsible. She just has no clue, she just thinks its all going to be just hunky-dory. 

 She has decided that she is going to quit her job next month, which everyone is just having a fit about. I told her today, she should keep her job and when she has the baby (in May) she can bring her to me to put her to bed and she can go home and sleep til it is time for work, then go home after work and sleep some more and then come get the baby after she has slept for a while after work. 

Prince Kenard just about died when he heard me tell her that I would keep the baby at night. A baby?! Seriously, we don't need a baby in this house!
Who knows what is going to happen, I just hope everything can get worked out. I am afraid she is really going to mess up and be alone with this. Her mom can't deal with the stress, she is having some issues with her pregnancy, my parents are getting tired of the crap. Hell they are in their mid 70s and should not have to be dealing with this. I told my sister today that I am afraid that the way every one is ragging on her that she is just going to take off and we will never see the baby.
Well that is my fun week. I will keep you up to date on this one.
Hope everyone has a good night.
Til we meet again! Pam

What a Week!

First, I would just like to say, thanks for comments and welcome to my new friends I am meeting. I am sooo glad you are here and hope you will be here for a long while. I promise I will try to do more than just be depressing all the time. at least after this morning, lol! 
*Now before I officially start my post, I decided to give my kidos "names" instead of just numbers, its much easier for me to remember who I am talking about (and hopefully) easier for you, too.
Daughter #1 will now be Princess Daughter, that is what she calls herself anyway (22 special needs), son #1 will now be  Prince Kenard,  and son #2 will be Prince Krusher, that is his screen name for his games, and daughter #2 will be Princess Shaney, because that is what I always call her anyway!

*On now to my crappy week. I took Princess Daughter & Miss Shaney to the doctor on Monday,  Princess Daughter for follow up from er visit the day before (here) & Miss Shaney because she didn't feel good. Miss Shaney had strep. Then on Wednesday, Miss Shaney went back to school and Prince Krusher was home and to the doctor; also strep. On Thursday, I got up feeling like my eye was going to explode!  Yesterday was even worse. So I call and cancelled Princess Daughter's appointment with the cardiologist and got me a doctor appointment. No strep for me. Just a sinus infection and pink eye! How the crap did I get pink eye?!!! The kidos don't have it, just me, figures. So, everybody is on antibiotics!

*Do you want to know what the most depressing part about my doctor visit was? Not the fact that I have pink eye; nope! I was the part when I had to get on the scale; yep, that was it! I thought what the hell?!! I have never weighed that much, except when I was pregnant! So, that comes back to the, that is what you get for sitting on your ass for the past 2 years and not doing anything!!! Oh, I do somethings, just not much; I clean the house (sometimes), I wash my car (sometimes). But I don't go to physical therapy, workout, hardly do any photography, go grocery shopping or cook.
So, with today being Saturday, I have decided, today is the day to take back my life!!! Why put it off any longer? Get off your ass, NOW and do something!

Hope everyone has a great day and I will check in later and let you know how things went.
Til we meet again! Pam

PYHO- I Want My Life BACK !

As I was reading through some of the other posts, this morning and then reading some of their past posts on their blogs, I came across one (here) that really stuck with me and decided this is my Pour Your Heart Out post. First, I am a new blogger and have no followers. Sometimes I think I just blog to vent and no one wants to deal with that on a daily basis. So, I am just learning, so bare with me.
I check in here every week, but have never posted; until now. I am still not sure if I want to do this, but we all need somewhere to turn once in a while.
I used to be happy. I want to be happy again. But I know that the only way to do that is to take my life back! Start doing what I need to do to make me happy and stop worrying about everyone else and their feelings and their wants. I am the only one who will always be here for me. I have to stop counting on everyone else and start counting on myself. I sit in this house, depressed, thinking what is wrong with me? I will tell you, get off your ass and get a life. Stop dwelling on the bad and start focusing on the good, because it is there, You just need to clean it off and get it back! Then my ahah moment hit me! There are many opened doors, but you will not find them if you are just hiding out and not looking for them. They are not just going to jump open because you them to. And just because there is an open door, doesn't mean it is your open door. What open door is right for one person is not necessarily the right open door for you.
So get off your ass and go find the opened door that is right for you! You might have to go through that door alone or you might be lucky enough to find that person who shares that same open door to walk through it beside you and share the journey together. But, you will never know until you find that door.
Hope to see you all soon. And thanks for letting me PYHO!

Valentine's Day

This is my Valentine's Day post. Valentine's Day sucks! I really don't understand the big deal about this day. I look at it as just another day, nothing special. It used to be but now just another day. The hubs told me once, "isn't better that I do things for you when I want to and it isn't expected instead of on days when I have to do it?" Well, yah! But that never happens either. So, I just look at it as just another day.
I guess that if people knew our history, they would think that every day is special and I should be happy with what I have. I don't see it that way. I guess that over the years you start finding out little things and find out the real reasons somebody married you, your attitude kind of changes about how you look at things and what you want in life.
Well, I hope if you celebrate Valentine's Day, you had a great one. And if you are like me and you could care less, I hope you still had a great day!
Til we meet again!

Totally Insane Couple of Days!

Have had a lot going on yesterday and today. On Saturday, daughter #1 complained all day she didn't feel good. As the late afternoon/evening went on, she told me her whole body hurt. At around 9 pm, I gave her one regular Tylenol and sent her to bed. The other kids had gone to there dad's house so I told the hubs I was sleeping in one of the other beds so I could be closer to her if she needed me.
At about 5 am yesterday morning, she got up to get a drink of water, she went in the kitchen and came back to go to the bathroom. I was just laying in bed waiting for her to go to go back to her room when all of a sudden I heard this huge thud! I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. The door was closed and I had to push it open to get in. She was on the floor leaning up against the wall behind the door, out cold! I shook her and she came to. She was white as a ghost and clammy. I helped her up and into the other room and had her lay down on the floor, I went back in to yell at the hubs to come help me. When the hubs got upstairs, I told him what happened and that I needed to take her to the hospital. He went and got the car started, I got dressed and found her some shoes to wear and then he helped me get her to the car.
When we got to the er, it was nice, we were the only ones there (so we didn't have to wait). They took her into a room, the first thing they did was an ekg. Then they drew some blood and got her some juice to drink. While we were waiting for the doctor to come in, the nurse had me fill out a medical history form. It took about a half hour-45 minutes to get results. The doctor came in and asked me if I had filled out the medical history form, I told him yes and that the nurse had given it to him, oh, yah, he said. Then he left the room. He came back and said everything looked good she was just dehydrated. They did a bag of iv fluid and sent us home.
This morning I called our doctor and got her in to see him. When we got there, I told him what had happened the day before and he asked me what the er had done. I told him drew blood & iv fluids. He said, "no ekg?" me: Oh yah, they did that. doc: what were the results on everything? me: normal I guess, they said labs were normal, but nothing about the ekg, so I assume it was normal.
So, he had his nurse get all the results from the hospital and he went and seen another patient. About 10 minutes later, he came in and said, "none of these tests are normal!" The ekg she had showed a "borderline" problem that could have been the cause of her passing out. So, he wanted a second opinion and called and got her an appointment with a cardiologist for Friday morning! And her blood work had a couple of things that he didn't like.
So, that is how my weekend went and now I don't dare leave her alone. I sleep in her room, I check on her every 5 minutes when she is in the tub. I really hope the cardiologist can tell us something good on Friday when we see him.
Hope you all had a good weekend and come back soon.
Til we meet again! 

Rough, But Good Day

Today was a pretty good day. But I didn't think it was going to be when I first got out of bed this morning. I hurt so bad when I first got up. Moving all that furniture around and cleaning yesterday just about kicked my butt! Then once I got moving around and doing things I felt much better. I should have done a few things outside, today (February and it was almost 60 degrees!), but I didn't. I just did stuff in the house.
At noon, they did live video feed of the Powell boys' funeral (here). I was only able to watch about the first 20 minutes and then had to quit. It was just too emotional. It just makes me sick that a father would do that to his kids.
I showered and then son #1 and I went & filled up the vehicles. Then he went to his dad's and I went to my mom's. Then I came home, fed the horses and then had dinner. I was playing on the computer and the hubs told me that Whitney Houston had died. It just makes me sick when stuff like that happens. I loved her voice!
Well, that is how my day went. Hope you all had a great day!
Til we meet again!

What a Great Day!

This was one of the best days I have had in a long time! Started out with a lot of peace and quiet this morning (kids stayed @ there dad's last night). In fact, maybe too much peace and quiet. Lol! I am so used to daughter #1 (disabled) being here 24/7 and every time I turn around I am tripping over her. She also needs to tell me everything she is doing, i.e.; mom, i'm going to potty. mom, i'm going to take a bath. i'm taking a break from the computer, so you can get back on your computer now; and so on. With her being gone this morning it was so quiet! You know that quiet that even when you have music, t.v. (whatever) on you still hear every little noise, that is how my house was this morning.
So, after a couple of hours of that, I decided I needed to find something to do. I was getting really tired of the kids' pig sty bedrooms and I decided that it was time for mom to clean!  
So, I cleaned and rearranged and cleaned some more. But I had most of it done in 2 hours. That surprised me cause to move beds, I have to tare them completely apart, move them and put them back together, which I am getting very good at.  What was left was just things I needed kidos to go through and decide what needed to be thrown away and what needed to be kept and put away.
Later this evening the hubs was making dinner (tuna helper) and son #2 (almost 15) does not like that, so I asked him if he wanted me to cook him some hot dogs. He said yes & I asked him how many, he said 2 or 3.  We got him good & we weren't even trying. The hubs told him that if he didn't get off the computer and get some wood brought in the house, he was going to eat his hot dogs, he said okay, just a minute. A couple of minutes later I said, "Ooh, you only get 2 hot dogs."  He said, " I'm getting off the computer right now!"  The hubs & I looked at each other and started laughing, I said, "No, you only get two hot dogs, cause that is all that was left!" He thought the hubs was eating his hot dog, cause he hadn't gotten off the computer and brought wood in yet. It was really funny! You have to know son #2.
Well, hope everyone had a great day!
Til we meet again!

Okay Day

It has been an okay day. I haven't done much. I have felt pretty crappy and tonight I had a bad headache so I sent all the kids to stay the night at their dad's house, I didn't go to my photography class tonight. Then to top it all off, our ABC channel didn't work all through Grey's Anatomy so I didn't get to watch that. But it worked on Private Practice, so that was good.
Hope you all had a good day. Have a good night.
Til we meet again!

Quick Update

My internet has been down since Tuesday morning, haven't been able to post. Now it's up and running again. I did get a lot accomplished the past two days not having internet, so that was good. The hubs thinks we should just get rid of it so I will do more things! Lol!
Have a great day and I will post later.
Til we meet again!

AWESOME WEEKEND!

OMG! Sorry I missed a couple of days but it was a very busy weekend and a very great one! Spent Saturday & Sunday with the (extended) family. It was actually much better than I thought it would be. The family (brothers, sisters,) & I usually don't get get a long very often. So, all in all, it was awesome!
Saturday my nephew got baptized and then we had a luncheon after.
It was also #1 son's 19th birthday! I cannot believe that he is 19! It seems like it was just yesterday that I found out we were having him and now he is 19! Where does the time go? It is just so crazy!
On Sunday, my niece had her baby blessed and then we had another luncheon after that. It was so much fun!
Then we came home and watched the super bowl and then we watched the voice. I love that show!
So, this is what made the weekend crappy. #2 daughter (12 years old) spent the weekend at her dad's. Yesterday, he let her watch the movie, Paranormal Activity! She is 12 years old!!!! Not only is it rated R, but she is the the type of child that has panic attacks when the wind blows! Need less to say, we were up til after midnight trying to get her calmed down and to sleep. Then, she was so mad when I made her get up this morning and go to school. But, she went and she stayed all day. So, that was good.
Here are a couple of pics from yesterday.

                                                             My beautiful great-niece

                                              My niece & her beautiful family

So that is how my weekend went and my Monday was quite boring. Hope you all had a great day!
Til we meet again!

Roller Coaster Ride!

I got up so excited this morning! Had my class last night and can I just say, am so lovin it! Anyway, I was so excited to get somethings done around the house and go out and play with some of the things I learned last night. But, of course that isn't how things ever work out, right.
So, got the kids off to school, played on the computer a little, while I had my coffee. Then, the phone calls started. Every body wanting money that I don't have! Some bill collectors can be very mean. I just wish my money would get here so I can get all the doctor bills paid & the phone calls will stop. Anyway, all that did was make me pissy and not want to do anything, I decided to watch the shows I recorded last night while I was at my class; Grey's, Private Practice, Idol. I watched Grey's & Private and decided to watch Idol. I turned it on and it was like just Ryan talking at the beginning and then it was done. The hubs turned it off. Don't mess with my Idol when I am not home to watch it.
Then I took my camera outside and took my notes from class with me and started playing around. Nothing was working right; so that made me pissy! So, since I was being pissy, I went in one of the kids' rooms (daughter #2- 12 going on 25) and started throwing things away. She came home from school; "Mom, whatcha doing?" (Me): cleaning. (D#2) "Where is all my stuff?" (Me): "I told you if I have to clean your room, I get to throw things away." (D#2): "Oh, do you need any help?" I thought she would have to help me off the floor!
Needless to say, it is almost 8:30 and I am still in the jammies I slept in last night and no shower. Really need to soak in a hot bubble bath, but I think I am going to just get me some diet pepsi & chocolate and go to my room & watch tv, the hubs is watching stupid old westerns and I have a MAJOR headache.
I guess that's enough bitchiness for one day. I hope tomorrow is better (it won't be), I have to hang out with the rest of the fam; brothers, sisters, nieces and already I don't want to go. I would rather spend my time doing other things than spending time with some of my family. Have a great night and talk soon!
Til we meet again!

So Excited!

I am so excited about today! I got my new needles for my sewing machine, which means I can now start working on some of my projects I need to get finished. I start my new photography class tonight. I cannot wait until then. I hope that it will get me excited about doing something again. I know that will help me with my depression. I just need to find something that makes me excited, something that makes me feel worth while and makes me feel that I am good at something, because the last few months (years) I have felt like a complete failure and I am so tired of feeling like that. I want my life back. I want to be proud of myself; I want my kids to have a mother they can be proud of.
So, there is a little of my plan that I said I was going to work on! Have a great day!
Til we meet again!

Quite a bit New Today

So today, I did quite a bit. I am very proud of myself. I got showered, got dressed and did my hair. I went grocery shopping, did dishes. I went to the bank, came home, cooked dinner. I actually cooked! Then, I did the dinner dishes. I never do dishes twice a day! In fact, oldest son, "you're doing the dishes again? what is with that?" I told him I was tired of getting up to dirty dishes in the sink.
Now, the comment I made; I actually cooked, Well, the ex was here the other night and I was in the kitchen and he came in to talk to me. I told him daughter #1 wanted him to make spaghetti for her the next night while he had the kids. He says, "I don't know how to make spaghetti!" I told him, brown your hamburger, open a jar of spaghetti sauce & cook your noodles! Then he wanted to know what the hell happened to me, because I used to be such a good cook.
I thought about that the rest of the night and you know, (unfortunately) he was right. I cooked every thing ! And even from scratch! I always made homemade spaghetti and lasagna. None of this jar or frozen stuff. I cooked breakfast every morning so the kids had a good meal to start school with. When the ex & I  first separated, I was working 2 part time jobs and still cooked and cleaned and took care of my kids. Now I don't do any of that. So, when I have a good day, I am very excited.
So, my plan now is too: 1-fix breakfast for the kids at least twice a week. 2-I am going to start cooking more   often; I mean, really cooking no more frozen dinners. Over the last couples of months I have found new recipes and cooked them and my family has loved them. So, I am just going to start doing it more.
3- I am going to start cleaning more. 4- Start making job charts and sticking to them. 5-Start making  "to do" lists. I know that I do much better (and get more done) when I have those lists. 6- I AM going to start working more on my photography. 7- I know that if I do these things I will be able to accomplish the most important thing; I will be a better person which will make me a better mom.
Well, I guess that is all for now. Talk soon!
Til we meet again!

Had another great day, today! I even did my hair & make-up! Went to my mom's for a little while to play with my great-niece, didn't do any pictures of her though, when I got there she was napping and when she woke up, all I wanted to do is play with her!
Last night when I went to bed, I was sleeping pretty good and all of a sudden I could hear this far off sound of my cell phone ringing. I really thought I was dreaming because I had left my phone upstairs on the couch and I knew that I could not hear it downstairs, sound a sleep. The next thing I know, the hubs is saying, "your phone is ringing and I don't know who it is." Seriously? You freakin' woke me up cause my phone was ringing and you didn't know who it was?!!!! What the hell?! I seriously don't know why he does crap like that. When his phone rings and he's not around to answer it, I'll answer it. And if I don't know who it is, then I don't answer it. I don't go wake him up and tell him his phone is ringing! So now, I just turned my cell phone off, because I am getting ready to go to bed & I don't want him waking me up from a really good sleep, again. It took me forever to get back to sleep after that.
Speaking of cell phones, when I was leaving my mom's today, I was putting my stuff in the car and I started looking through my purse for my phone. I had daughter #1 with me. I told her I had to go back in and get my phone. She looks at me and says, "no you don't, I got it for you so you wouldn't forget it." I looked at her like, what? She pulled my phone out of her coat pocket and told me again she had it! I just started laughing and got in the car. You have got to know daughter #1 (low IQ, hearing/visually impaired), I never thought she would grab my phone and put it in her pocket so I wouldn't leave it at grandma's.
Anyway, that was my day, today. Hope you all had a great day. Nighty, night, I'm off to (hopefully) lala land!
Til we meet again!

Another Day

Had another good day. Do you know what I figured out, today? Some people know what they are talking about. Usually when I am home being in my little depression corner, if  I take a shower, I usually just put jammies back on, so I don't have to go anywhere or sometimes by the time I usually shower, its time to go to bed. Today I showered and I put clothes on after. I even did my hair and I went to the store!!! Woohoo! So, one of my new rules is going to be, when I shower, get dressed! Don't get back in jammies. I felt much better putting on "normal" clothes after showering. People have always told me that it helps to get showered and dressed, makes you feel much better. Baby steps. Some of you might think I am crazy and maybe I am, but its the depression. That is another reason that I have started on my blog again, I love to write and that always makes me feel better.
I am hoping that tomorrow I will be able to get some pictures done. I am going up to my mom's house. She will be tending my beautiful great-niece for a couple of hours. So, I am going to go and see if I can get some pictures of her. Hopefully she will be in a good mood. She hasn't been too happy the last couple of days and she did have her 4 month shots today. So, we will have to see how it goes.
I am working on some new goals and I am going to post them tomorrow. Not going to be able to much more on here tonight, the hubs is watching the basketball game and we all know how that goes.
Hope everyone has a great rest of the night.
Til we meet again!

What a day! Got some cleaning done, played with the dogs again, just had a good day! But I still need to get out and do dome pictures, especially while the weather is good. Hopefully I will do that soon this coming week.
So, the other day I posted about making some major changes in my life and that I would start with small ones and work up to bigger ones. So, I think that so far I have started out pretty good. I am getting off the couch! With all the depression that is a huge thing for me. I want to start losing weight. I am 5'1 and weigh 158lbs. That is considered "obese" for my height. I have never considered myself  "obese," just a fat pig! I hat looking in the mirror, not just without clothes, but also doing my make up. It's like, "yah, I know I am 46, but what the hell happened to me?" It has taken me a while to figure out some things; depression and fat go together. The more depressed I am, the fatter I get, the more depressed I get, and so on.
I found this page on facebook, which led me here, which in turn led me here. I thought if some guy has the courage to lose 145lbs in 17 months and share it with the whole world, I'm sure that I can lose 25-30. And my first thing is to start doing what I have finally started doing; get off my butt and just start moving!
Have a great rest of the day!
Til we meet again!

Good Day!

Today was a pretty good day! Although it didn't start out very good, I was up at 4:30 this morning! I have no idea why I do that. It's Saturday, nobody has to get up for anything and I am up at 4:30 in the freakin' morning!
But I did get a couple of hours of real nice quiet time. Had my coffee, played on the computer, just enjoyed the quiet; I don't get that very often so I take it when I can, even if it is at 4:30 on a Saturday morning.
So, I did get off my butt today, but not until people started waking up this morning. Got the dishes done, had oldest boy move some things around for me, went out and played with the dogs for a little while. All in all, it was a pretty good day and I do feel much better.
I have a question, Why do men feel the need they have to scream at the t.v. when watching sports? I like to watch the games and listen to some of the commentators, depending on what sport I am watching. But seriously, can you shut the freak up!!! And why do they know every flipping sport that is on & exactly what channel it is on? My hubs watches every sport that is on t.v. I think he just does it to irritate me. I mean, we have been together 10 years and I don't ever remember him watching so many sports; he would watch the usual sports, Basketball, football, baseball, golf. but now its like, if it is a "sport" he is watching it. I was doing some stuff on my laptop the other day and just kind of tuning out the t.v. I looked up to see what he was watching and he was watching swimming! Seriously? Swimming? Are the Olympics on? Can you not find anything else to watch; 350 channels and all you can find to watch is swimming? It must be an age thing. But then again, if there are not sports on, then he is watching old westerns. Now, just to make it clear, I don't mind the old westerns, but his choice of "old westerns" and my choice are completely different. I mean, I like to know who the actors are in movies I am watching, no matter how old the movie is. But when he starts watching movies that are older than him (there is a 12 year age difference between us) its like, come on, please; I don't know any of these people! I love John Wayne movies, Gunsmoke, the old Jimmy Stewart movies.
Well, there is my "venting" for the day. I think I am about ready for bed, it has been a very long day! Hope you all have a great night. I think tomorrow I might try to get out and do some pictures, so make sure you continue to check back
Til we meet again!
 P.S. 
How did I miss a day? I missed Thursday. Messed up my 30 day challenge already!
Guess I will have to add an extra day.
I 

Changing My Ways

I have decided that I am getting way too lazy and I really need to get a freaking life! Have you heard that saying "A body in motion, stays in motion?" Well, I have become a firm believer in that. I know that when I get off my lazy butt, I feel much better that when I just sit and do nothing, especially when I sit & do nothing for days on end. I went to the doctor in November and he wanted me to start going back to physical therapy and to start having massages and I have not even made appointments for either one.
I told my mom that this depression (from all the pain) is really kicking my butt. I know I feel 60% better when I am doing things, but it has just been so hard to make myself do things. So, I have decided some MAJOR changes need to be made in my life. But I am just going to start with the smaller changes first.
So, this is my plan; I have decided that since I am doing this 30 day blog challenge, I am going to set a couple of more challenges for me to be working on at the same time. So, my other 30 day challenges are going to be,
1- getting up and doing more things; dishes, vacuuming, get out of the house, working on some of my sewing projects that I haven't got finished.
2-try and get out at least twice a week (for now, will increase later) to do some pictures. Right now, I don't care what kind of pictures they are, I am just going to do them. It will be much easier to do pictures after next week & I will have to do them  , because I start my new photography class on Thursday. So, there will be no more excuses for not doing pictures.
Well, today was just a short one. But, I had to make public what my plans are so that I have to do it!
Any way, hope you all have a great rest of the day!
Til we meet again!

Day 4

Can, I just say that I can't believe that I have made it four whole days!!! It has been hard, but I am doing it and I think it will just easier as we go.
In November, I got me a new lens for my camera. It is a 55mm with a f/1.8. I took a photography class last year from a local photographer Gayle Vehar (http://www.momandcamera.com/). She taught us what all the settings are on the camera, the right way to adjust the settings. I have had my camera for 5 years, and she taught me things about my camera that I never knew. Anyway, she has this same lens for her camera. I emailed her after I got my lens to tell her I had got it. She told me, "put it on your camera and leave it on for 30 days so you can learn how to use it and have fun with it." So, guess what? That lens has been on my camera since the middle of November and I have probably done 50 photos in that amount of time. Seriously?! I have gotten very lazy! I used to pack my camera with me everywhere that I went. I always made sure that I got out at least once a week (if not more) to do just pictures and nothing else. I would go everywhere, up the canyon, to Sundance, out around the lake. If I was too busy to actually drive somewhere, I would just go out to my field, just so I had gotten out to do some pictures.
I did do some of my niece, but I made them come to my house and just worked with what I had.

                                                      Little Miss Madison

I have so much trouble with lighting. Gayle taught us about that, too but I still can't figure it out. I think that is mainly because I just want to rush through it, instead of slowing down and working on it to figure it out. So, in February, I am taking another class at the high school, this one is all on lighting and nothing else. Hopefully, then I will be able to figure it out and start getting it right.
I guess that is all for today. I hope you all have a great time and continue to visit.
Til we meet again!

SNOW! Finally!

Today, this is what we woke up to! Ah, finally! 

This is from my front porch, looking to my nieghbor's

We haven't had hardly any snow this year. So, when it finally started snowing yesterday afternoon, we were all so excited, except for the hubs. He hates when it snows.
The hubs works at a local school district and when it snows, he has to go "play" in the snow and have the schools ready for students the next morning. So, last night he left about 11:30 and got home a little after 4 this morning. Just as he was dosing off, I rolled over and smacked him and said, "oh my gosh! Happy birthday!" He's like seriously, you woke me up for that? I said, yah, I might forget later.
So, he turned the big 58 today! That is just so crazy! Where he worked last night & didn't get much sleep, we didn't celebrate, we don't celebrate our birthdays cause they are just another day, but we do celebrate the kids' birthdays. So, we just hung out at home and had dinner and going to bed early!
Speaking of dinner, the oldest boy cooked!!! I had started dinner & was doing dishes while the hamburger was browning, and he came in and finished it! It was just sloppy joe's, but he cooked it! It's hard to get him to do much, especially cooking. But he did it and I didn't even have to ask him! He just kind of surprises me some times!
Well, that is about all for today. Talk soon!
Til we meet again!

My Life

For those of you that don't personally know me, I thought that I would give you a little info on who I am and what my life is about.
I am the third child of 7. 1 older sister, 1 older brother, 1 younger, sister, 3 younger brothers. I have lived in Utah all of my life.
I am a mother of 4. Oldest daughter will be 23 in June. She was born at 24 weeks gestation and weighed 1lb. 4oz, and was 13 inches long. She is hearing/visually impaired and has an IQ of 28. Oldest son will be 19 in February. Second son, will be 15 in June. He is in the 9th grade and plays just about any musical instrument he can get his hands on. Youngest daughter will be 13 in March, but thinks she is 25. She is in the 7th grade. She loves to sing, dance, and is quite the "drama queen". The hubs & I will be celebrating our ninth wedding anniversary in June.
I am a very huge NASCAR fan. I go to Las Vegas every year for the race there. This year I will not be going. Have had a hard time with money and I just sold my tickets a couple of weeks ago. It made me cry to sell them. That is my away time. I usually leave on the Wednesday before the race and come home the day after the race, Wednesday-Monday. No kids, hubs, or stress; just me and my niece.
I am a "wanna be" photographer. I was attending online classes working on my Bachelor in Photography and had to withdraw after my car accident 18 months ago. Now, I just try to do photos when I can and feel up to going out. I still have a lot of pain (from the accident) and a lot of depression, so I never want to get out much.  That is why I am working on my blog. I am hoping that getting my thoughts & feelings out, will make me start feeling better and wanting to take back my life. I already want my life back, but I also know that it will never be back to exactly how it was before my accident; but I am not ready to give up completely either.
So, this is me! I thought that I would share some insight that is not included in the "about me" section of my  blog, so when I mention kids or hubs you will kind of have some background on them and not just me. Some days (but I hope not many), might be a little depressing with my entries but just bare with me and let me vent.
Sorry if I repeated some things from yesterday, I will try to get better with not doing that.
Have a great day!
Til we meet again!

30 Day Challenge

I have been very lazy the past few months, not just with my blog but also with my life. 18 months ago, I was in a car accident; someone ran a stop sign and totaled his and my vehicles. I have had so many problems since then, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am getting to the point where life just sucks and now I have decided it is time to fix me.
As I was scrolling through facebook the other day, I came across a post from www.creativelive.com, on
Tim King's 30 day blog challenge. Not only did he explain why he was do the 30 challenge, but on day 2 he explained the 5 secret reasons to keep your blog updated.
So, on this day, I have committed to take the 30 day challenge myself. I started my blog in July of 2011 and I only posted once a week. As you can see, I have absolutely no followers, as of yet. That will soon be changing, though. I plan on making a facebook page for my bog and also adding a link on my personal facebook page.
I hope you come a long for my 30 days (and beyond). Hopefully I will become more comfortable writing and expressing my self .
Please also check out some of the blogs I follow. I hope you all enjoy the ride.
Til we meet again!