Saturday, March 24, 2012

What Would You Do?

I had a great day today! Got a lot of cleaning done today; but not as much as I wanted to, but still quite a bit. Then, I watched the NASCAR Nationwide Race.
While I was watching the race, I was checking emails and there was one from Circle of Moms It was a good article, some of the comments were kind of out there. But that is what this is all about; everyone is entitled to there opinions, right? Maybe I think the comments are out there because this is something I am going through right now.
So, the article is about getting divorced and should you stay together for the kids.
I am from a family of 7 kids. Our parents will celebrate their 56 wedding anniversary this year. All of us kids (except 2) have all been married & divorced. My younger sister (she's almost 41) and I have done it multiple times (she is on #4; #3 for me).
Here is my situation, I am not sure if I have mentioned this before or not. So if I have I am sorry for repeating it. Marriage #1; we had dated for 2 years before we got married. He was very abusive. I knew that before we married.
 Go ahead, ask, What the HELL was I thinking? That is for a different post. Anyway, after being married 5 years and then having Princess Daughter, I decided it was time. And we divorced. Marriage #2; We married 6 months after divorce (#1) was final. We were married for almost 10 years and 3kids. He was an alcoholic and porn addict.
Marriage #3; we have been married for 9 years (in June this year). We lived together for 14 months before we got married; we weren't going to get married because neither  one of us wanted to do that again. Now, he is a great guy, don't get me wrong. No abuse, no addictions, no adultery. He has a great job, owns his home, etc. The problem is, we were married under false pretense. I was so in love when we got married. That all changed about 5 years ago. That's where the false pretense comes in. That is when I found out he never wanted to get married, he only married me so the kids would have health insurance (ex #2 had just quit his job a week before #3 decided to get married). I have tried so hard to make it work. But during all of that I have found out more things. King Hubs always told everyone that things would be better if I didn't have kids. As the years go by and they get older things get worse. We hardly talk. We hardly have sex. He hates the kids, the kids hate him.
So, back to the article. When do you decide it is time? Do you only leave if there are the three A's (addiction, adultery, abuse)? Do you stay for the kids? Do you leave for the health of yourself?  What do you think you would do?
Hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend!
Til we meet again! Pam


  1. I think that the decision is a personal one. And that trying to come up with universal should you or shouldn't you is way too hard!

  2. I don't have kids so my thoughts are worth little but....I have been divorced and remarried.
    I always have thought that staying for the kids is a bad thing because it sets them up with the example of a bad relationship. I think kids need to see a good healthy relationship in order to have a better chance of achieving one for themselves later in life.

    I am sorry you're hurting and hope things get better!

  3. Oh my gosh! how can you ask that question and then say have a great weekend? My heart hurts for you. I really don't know. Really. Big hugs to you my friend. I hope that you can "feel" what is right for you and your family and come to terms with it. Either way.

  4. It is so hard to know what the right thing to do is. I know that if I didn't have kids with my husband we would have split up after his affair, but I don't mean that to say that we are ONLY together for the kids now either. Its complicated I guess, and a really personal decision. I don't know how mine will turn out.