No More Pity Parties!

So, I have been sitting here today watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy (my most favorite show) and reading through the PYHO links today. I read this post by jen@adropinthebucket, which then led me to this one by Ashley which got me thinking, what the hell is wrong with me?!

Just because I hate my life, I hate my husband (yesterdays post), I hate the fact that since my car accident (almost 2 years ago) I have been in almost constant pain and constant depression. But, what is wrong with me? I am pretty much healthy, I'm not dying (even though the past week or so I thought I was), I am not having things repossessed (yet) because I can't pay for them, my utilities aren't being turned off, I haven't lost any loved ones in a few years.

I have decided that the thing that is wrong with me is me! My attitude, My outlook on life, My low self-esteem. What has happened too me over the years? In Jr. High and High School, I didn't give a crap what the "popular" kids thought of me. I didn't let people walk all over me. If you gave me crap, we were done. But as I have gotten older, things changed, I changed (on some things, but not others). I became every body's door mat.

I need to be with someone who will love be, someone who will lift me up not drag me down. Somebody who loves me & my kids. Someone who wants to share everything. For now, that someone is me! I am the only one who can give me what I want. I am the only one who can love me & my kids the way we need to be loved! Only me! I am not afraid to be alone, because as long as there is me and my kids, I am not alone! We have each other and for now, that is all we need. Just us!

So, I choose, joy. I choose, happiness. I choose, self reliance, I choose self respect. And most of all I choose ME!!!
Thanks for letting me pour my heart out once again!
And thank you Ashley & Jen!

I Don't Like You Anymore

There are quite a few reasons that I don't like you anymore. I am going to start with the most important reason and work my way to the more petty not so important ones.

*I don't like you bc; 4 years after the fact, you told me you only married me so my kids would have health insurance.
*I don't like you bc; Before the kids & I moved in with you, I told them how you go camping every weekend and we have only been camping (as a family) 3 times.
*I don't like you bc; You have never gone on a family vacation with us.
*I don't like you bc; You don't like my kids and they don't like you.
*I don't like you bc; You never wanted someone with kids and you would have been much happier if I didn't have them.
*I don't like you bc; When my parents & sister asked to go to Hawaii with them last year, you told me no bc you had already been there and you didn't want to go again. Even though I had never been.
*I don't like you bc; When I got in my car accident and called you to come pick me and Princess Daughter up and take us to the doctor later that day, you acted so put out by the whole thing.
*I don't like you bc; When I ask you to do anything for me, it is such an inconvenience for you.
*I don't like you bc; We never do anything but sit home.
*I don't like you bc; I am wife #4 and I am the only one you never bought a wedding set or even just a wedding band for.
*I don't like you bc; I am also the only one you didn't take on a honeymoon.
*I don't like you bc; Every time I have wanted to go a certain place for a get away, you won't go bc that is where you always went with the others. So I always went by myself with the kids.
*I don't like you bc; After all the above reasons, you make me feel like crap about myself.
*I don't like you bc; After 10 years, you still don't know how I like my coffee.

Sorry, about this post tonight. I said before that I started this blog so I had somewhere to vent when I needed to and tonight, I needed to vent. It has been building up for a little while.
Til we meet again! Pam

Pretty good

So today was a pretty good day. I still feel like crap and I still have no energy, but all in all it was a good day. I did a couple loads of laundry, did dishes, showered and did my hair. Then the hubs & I went to Wally-world to get a few things. We were there maybe a 1/2 hour and I thought I was going to die. By the time we got back to the car, I had the worst headache & I thought I was going to pass out. Then we came home hoping the rain in Florida had stopped so we could watch the Daytona 500 on t.v. No such luck. It got rained out and will run tomorrow. That will be good cause then I can sit and watch it without any interruptions!
*I spent a lot of time on line today going through my "blogs follow" list trying to decide what I was keeping & what I wasn't. I found some new ones and read some past posts on ones I had kind-of been following. Got some real neat ideas for some projects that I have been wanting to do. Hopefully I can start on some of them this week.
*There is this new one that I found today and I laughed so hard I just had to share. You should really go check her out! Then, there is this one, that is very inspirational and brings everything back in to perspective. And this one has a lot of cool stuff and more blogs that I have been checking out.
*I hope everyone has had a great weekend!
Til we meet again! Pam