Friday, February 3, 2012

Roller Coaster Ride!

I got up so excited this morning! Had my class last night and can I just say, am so lovin it! Anyway, I was so excited to get somethings done around the house and go out and play with some of the things I learned last night. But, of course that isn't how things ever work out, right.
So, got the kids off to school, played on the computer a little, while I had my coffee. Then, the phone calls started. Every body wanting money that I don't have! Some bill collectors can be very mean. I just wish my money would get here so I can get all the doctor bills paid & the phone calls will stop. Anyway, all that did was make me pissy and not want to do anything, I decided to watch the shows I recorded last night while I was at my class; Grey's, Private Practice, Idol. I watched Grey's & Private and decided to watch Idol. I turned it on and it was like just Ryan talking at the beginning and then it was done. The hubs turned it off. Don't mess with my Idol when I am not home to watch it.
Then I took my camera outside and took my notes from class with me and started playing around. Nothing was working right; so that made me pissy! So, since I was being pissy, I went in one of the kids' rooms (daughter #2- 12 going on 25) and started throwing things away. She came home from school; "Mom, whatcha doing?" (Me): cleaning. (D#2) "Where is all my stuff?" (Me): "I told you if I have to clean your room, I get to throw things away." (D#2): "Oh, do you need any help?" I thought she would have to help me off the floor!
Needless to say, it is almost 8:30 and I am still in the jammies I slept in last night and no shower. Really need to soak in a hot bubble bath, but I think I am going to just get me some diet pepsi & chocolate and go to my room & watch tv, the hubs is watching stupid old westerns and I have a MAJOR headache.
I guess that's enough bitchiness for one day. I hope tomorrow is better (it won't be), I have to hang out with the rest of the fam; brothers, sisters, nieces and already I don't want to go. I would rather spend my time doing other things than spending time with some of my family. Have a great night and talk soon!
Til we meet again!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

So Excited!

I am so excited about today! I got my new needles for my sewing machine, which means I can now start working on some of my projects I need to get finished. I start my new photography class tonight. I cannot wait until then. I hope that it will get me excited about doing something again. I know that will help me with my depression. I just need to find something that makes me excited, something that makes me feel worth while and makes me feel that I am good at something, because the last few months (years) I have felt like a complete failure and I am so tired of feeling like that. I want my life back. I want to be proud of myself; I want my kids to have a mother they can be proud of.
So, there is a little of my plan that I said I was going to work on! Have a great day!
Til we meet again!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Quite a bit New Today

So today, I did quite a bit. I am very proud of myself. I got showered, got dressed and did my hair. I went grocery shopping, did dishes. I went to the bank, came home, cooked dinner. I actually cooked! Then, I did the dinner dishes. I never do dishes twice a day! In fact, oldest son, "you're doing the dishes again? what is with that?" I told him I was tired of getting up to dirty dishes in the sink.
Now, the comment I made; I actually cooked, Well, the ex was here the other night and I was in the kitchen and he came in to talk to me. I told him daughter #1 wanted him to make spaghetti for her the next night while he had the kids. He says, "I don't know how to make spaghetti!" I told him, brown your hamburger, open a jar of spaghetti sauce & cook your noodles! Then he wanted to know what the hell happened to me, because I used to be such a good cook.
I thought about that the rest of the night and you know, (unfortunately) he was right. I cooked every thing ! And even from scratch! I always made homemade spaghetti and lasagna. None of this jar or frozen stuff. I cooked breakfast every morning so the kids had a good meal to start school with. When the ex & I  first separated, I was working 2 part time jobs and still cooked and cleaned and took care of my kids. Now I don't do any of that. So, when I have a good day, I am very excited.
So, my plan now is too: 1-fix breakfast for the kids at least twice a week. 2-I am going to start cooking more   often; I mean, really cooking no more frozen dinners. Over the last couples of months I have found new recipes and cooked them and my family has loved them. So, I am just going to start doing it more.
3- I am going to start cleaning more. 4- Start making job charts and sticking to them. 5-Start making  "to do" lists. I know that I do much better (and get more done) when I have those lists. 6- I AM going to start working more on my photography. 7- I know that if I do these things I will be able to accomplish the most important thing; I will be a better person which will make me a better mom.
Well, I guess that is all for now. Talk soon!
Til we meet again!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Had another great day, today! I even did my hair & make-up! Went to my mom's for a little while to play with my great-niece, didn't do any pictures of her though, when I got there she was napping and when she woke up, all I wanted to do is play with her!
Last night when I went to bed, I was sleeping pretty good and all of a sudden I could hear this far off sound of my cell phone ringing. I really thought I was dreaming because I had left my phone upstairs on the couch and I knew that I could not hear it downstairs, sound a sleep. The next thing I know, the hubs is saying, "your phone is ringing and I don't know who it is." Seriously? You freakin' woke me up cause my phone was ringing and you didn't know who it was?!!!! What the hell?! I seriously don't know why he does crap like that. When his phone rings and he's not around to answer it, I'll answer it. And if I don't know who it is, then I don't answer it. I don't go wake him up and tell him his phone is ringing! So now, I just turned my cell phone off, because I am getting ready to go to bed & I don't want him waking me up from a really good sleep, again. It took me forever to get back to sleep after that.
Speaking of cell phones, when I was leaving my mom's today, I was putting my stuff in the car and I started looking through my purse for my phone. I had daughter #1 with me. I told her I had to go back in and get my phone. She looks at me and says, "no you don't, I got it for you so you wouldn't forget it." I looked at her like, what? She pulled my phone out of her coat pocket and told me again she had it! I just started laughing and got in the car. You have got to know daughter #1 (low IQ, hearing/visually impaired), I never thought she would grab my phone and put it in her pocket so I wouldn't leave it at grandma's.
Anyway, that was my day, today. Hope you all had a great day. Nighty, night, I'm off to (hopefully) lala land!
Til we meet again!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Another Day

Had another good day. Do you know what I figured out, today? Some people know what they are talking about. Usually when I am home being in my little depression corner, if  I take a shower, I usually just put jammies back on, so I don't have to go anywhere or sometimes by the time I usually shower, its time to go to bed. Today I showered and I put clothes on after. I even did my hair and I went to the store!!! Woohoo! So, one of my new rules is going to be, when I shower, get dressed! Don't get back in jammies. I felt much better putting on "normal" clothes after showering. People have always told me that it helps to get showered and dressed, makes you feel much better. Baby steps. Some of you might think I am crazy and maybe I am, but its the depression. That is another reason that I have started on my blog again, I love to write and that always makes me feel better.
I am hoping that tomorrow I will be able to get some pictures done. I am going up to my mom's house. She will be tending my beautiful great-niece for a couple of hours. So, I am going to go and see if I can get some pictures of her. Hopefully she will be in a good mood. She hasn't been too happy the last couple of days and she did have her 4 month shots today. So, we will have to see how it goes.
I am working on some new goals and I am going to post them tomorrow. Not going to be able to much more on here tonight, the hubs is watching the basketball game and we all know how that goes.
Hope everyone has a great rest of the night.
Til we meet again!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

What a day! Got some cleaning done, played with the dogs again, just had a good day! But I still need to get out and do dome pictures, especially while the weather is good. Hopefully I will do that soon this coming week.
So, the other day I posted about making some major changes in my life and that I would start with small ones and work up to bigger ones. So, I think that so far I have started out pretty good. I am getting off the couch! With all the depression that is a huge thing for me. I want to start losing weight. I am 5'1 and weigh 158lbs. That is considered "obese" for my height. I have never considered myself  "obese," just a fat pig! I hat looking in the mirror, not just without clothes, but also doing my make up. It's like, "yah, I know I am 46, but what the hell happened to me?" It has taken me a while to figure out some things; depression and fat go together. The more depressed I am, the fatter I get, the more depressed I get, and so on.
I found this page on facebook, which led me here, which in turn led me here. I thought if some guy has the courage to lose 145lbs in 17 months and share it with the whole world, I'm sure that I can lose 25-30. And my first thing is to start doing what I have finally started doing; get off my butt and just start moving!
Have a great rest of the day!
Til we meet again!