So, I have been sitting here today watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy (my most favorite show) and reading through the PYHO links today. I read this post by jen@adropinthebucket, which then led me to this one by Ashley which got me thinking, what the hell is wrong with me?!
Just because I hate my life, I hate my husband (yesterdays post), I hate the fact that since my car accident (almost 2 years ago) I have been in almost constant pain and constant depression. But, what is wrong with me? I am pretty much healthy, I'm not dying (even though the past week or so I thought I was), I am not having things repossessed (yet) because I can't pay for them, my utilities aren't being turned off, I haven't lost any loved ones in a few years.
I have decided that the thing that is wrong with me is me! My attitude, My outlook on life, My low self-esteem. What has happened too me over the years? In Jr. High and High School, I didn't give a crap what the "popular" kids thought of me. I didn't let people walk all over me. If you gave me crap, we were done. But as I have gotten older, things changed, I changed (on some things, but not others). I became every body's door mat.
I need to be with someone who will love be, someone who will lift me up not drag me down. Somebody who loves me & my kids. Someone who wants to share everything. For now, that someone is me! I am the only one who can give me what I want. I am the only one who can love me & my kids the way we need to be loved! Only me! I am not afraid to be alone, because as long as there is me and my kids, I am not alone! We have each other and for now, that is all we need. Just us!
So, I choose, joy. I choose, happiness. I choose, self reliance, I choose self respect. And most of all I choose ME!!!
Thanks for letting me pour my heart out once again!
And thank you Ashley & Jen!